The True Story of Monica Geller
by Jennifer10
Summary: Alright, now it's Monica's turn! This story begins in 1976 and goes until 2004. It runs parallel to The True Stories of Chandler Bing and Phoebe Buffay. Yes, all the friends make appearances and scenes that happened in Chandler and Phoebe's stories that involved Monica will be mentioned here, just Monica's side. So READ AND REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

_Alright folks...decided to do Monica's story next. Hopefully this won't be too long. Her story runs parallel to Chandler's and Phoebe's so obviously everyone makes appearances._

**September 1976**

She had dark hair, perfectly divided into two pig tails, curled so lovingly at the end. Her eyes crystal blue and skin pale white. She sat in the corner of her first grade classroom, holding a doll. She had decided the doll would be named, Emma. The name of her future daughter when she got to be a grown up. There were children laughing behind her. They were playing games, talking about stuff six year olds talk about but none of that interested the six year old, interested only in making sure Emma was comfortable. She had found a pink blanket and wrapped the baby doll up and rocked her in her arms. She carefully ran her fingers through the doll's brownish hair.

"Go sleep, Emma," the little girl whispered gently. "Go sleep, now."

She wished the noises behind her would stop. She wished the other children would be silent so Emma could fall asleep. It was too noisy in this classroom.

"Monica."

She looked up at the tall skinny woman grinning down at her. Mrs. Gold looked nothing like gold. She was bony, looking like jagged puzzle pieces that someone had jammed together. She was pointy in all the wrong places. Next to her stood a little girl with long brown hair, skinny as well and looked to be a very pretty girl with a very prominent looking nose that looked way too prominent to be on the tiny featured face of a six year old.

"Yes, Mrs. Gold," Monica said.

"We have a new student today...and I was wondering if you would like to play with her and make her feel welcome?" Mrs. Gold asked.

"Okay. Hi, I'm Monica," she said looking at the girl standing next to Mrs. Gold who was staring straight at Monica.

"I'm Rachel."

"Hi, Rachel. You wanna play with me?"

"Okay."

"Rachel, Monica will be a good friend to you and she'll make you feel right at home," Mrs. Gold said as she gently pushed Rachel forward. Monica watched in anticipation as Mrs. Gold walked off, leaving Rachel standing there in front of her.

"Do you like babies?" Monica asked.

"Yeah. I have a sister who's three."

"Oh. I have a brother. He's six and in the second grade. His birthday is in October and mine is in March and sometimes we have the same age."

"That's weird."

"I know. Do you only have one sister?"

"No. I have an older sister. She's nine."

"Oh."

"What's her name?" Rachel asked, pointing at the doll in Monica's arms. Rachel knelt down next to her and peered at the wrapped up bundle.

"Emma. When I have a daughter, I'm gonna name her Emma."

"That's pretty."

"What are you gonna name your children?" Monica asked.

"I'm six. I am a children."

"When you're a grown up."

"Oh.. I don't know but my mommy told me once that it's better to marry someone who has lots and lots of money and then you can buy children."

"You can buy children?"

"Yeah, on an island right by Kentucky."

"Wow. No, I don't wanna buy my children. I wanna have a billion of them."

"That's a lot."

"I know...and I'm gonna have a really cute husband, too. His name is Matthew."

"You've named your husband?"

"Of course. You have to plan for these things, Rachel. You can't just let it happen. My mommy said that only crazy people let things happen," Monica explained, her eyes widening, "okay, Emma's finally asleep." Monica stood up and walked towards a tiny plastic, pink crib and placed Emma in it. She placed a blanket over her and stroked her hair, leaning in to kiss the doll on the head before looking at Rachel who was staring at her, giving her a curious look. "Okay, come with me. I'll introduce you to all the kids and then you'll have lots of friends."

"You will?"

"Yeah."

"Thank you. You're nice, Monica."

Monica grinned at her as she grabbed Rachel's hand and pulled her up. She led Rachel around the classroom, stopping at each person to introduce them to the new girl. Monica beamed as Rachel stood beside her and followed her from kid to kid. Monica was determined. She would keep this friend. So many times, she had been the designated person to introduce the new kid to everyone and then that new kid would soon dump Monica. No, Rachel would be different. Rachel would be her best friend. That was all there was to it.

Lunchtime soon came and Rachel and Monica sat across from each other on the playground. Rachel's lunch was filled with all sorts of healthy things, carrot sticks, salad, even her sandwich was healthy. Monica's was quite the opposite, filled with Twinkies and cupcakes.

"Your lunch looks yummy, Monica. My mommy and daddy always say that my lunches are oranganic."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that if you eat a lot of carrots, your pee turns orange."

"Ewwww. That's gross."

"I know."

"Why do your mommy and daddy want you to have orange pee?"

"I don't know. What is that?" Rachel asked, pointing to the Twinkie in Monica's hand.

"It's a Twinkie."

"Can I try? I've never had one."

"You've never had a Twinkie?"

"My parents say it's bad for you."

Monica looked at Rachel, puzzled. That seemed like such nonsense. She looked down at the Twinkie and handed it to Rachel. She ripped opened the cellophane packaging and took a bite as Monica grabbed a cupcake out of her lunch. Rachel looked amazed.

"Whoa," Rachel said.

"I know," Monica said.

"Fatty," another girl said as she approached them. Monica looked up and saw Sharon, Nancy and Mindy standing in front of them.

"Oink, oink, piggie pig," Mindy said.

Monica's eyes darkened as she looked at Rachel who simply looked confused. Monica was by no means a small or slight child. She was heavy, very heavy and it was a fact that did not go unnoticed by her classmates, especially by Mindy, Sharon and Nancy. They never missed an opportunity to pick on her.

"Rachel, you wanna play with us. You don't wanna play with Piggie because she'll eat you," Nancy said.

"Oh...um..." Rachel said.

"You can be in our secret club," Mindy said.

"Mindy," Nancy said, looking upset.

"Sorry," Mindy said.

"I'll...I'll play with you. I wanna be in a secret club," Rachel said, standing up. She quickly grabbed her lunch, glancing at Monica. "I'm sorry."

"No, her name is Piggie," Nancy said, grinned.

"Okay," Rachel said as she gave Monica a sad look as she walked off with Nancy, Sharon and Mindy leaving Monica alone. Rachel had not finished her half of the Twinkie. Monica reached for it and took a bite. It was happening again. She was alone. She was always alone.

Even at home, she was alone. Her brother, Ross was clearly the star of the family. After school, she walked to the kitchen to get a snack as Ross sat between his parents showing them something he had done at school. She didn't care. She opened the fridge and grabbed a big chocolate cake that her mother had baked to celebrate Ross' achievement at some junior science fair thing, she wasn't quite sure. She grabbed a fork and a napkin and walked outside. She sat by a tree and ate, one spoonful after the other, taking special pleasure in eating the parts that said, "CONGRATULATIONS ROSS". She kept eating, no one there to stop her, no one there to pay attention to her. Each bite felt so good, so warm and friendly. Food stuck with her, that's why she was so fat she had heard her mom say once. Food was the only thing that never left her.

"Monica Elizabeth Geller."

Monica noticed her mom staring at her as she stormed across the yard towards the her. Monica knew she was in trouble. She braced herself as her mom grabbed her arm and immediately began to spank her. Monica let out a cry as her mom smacked her bottom. She tried to wriggle free, she would continue eating the cake. She didn't care. The cake always made her happy. When her mom was done spanking her, she pulled Monica off her lap and stared at her, Monica still rubbing her bottom and sniffling.

"Why did you eat Ross' cake? That wasn't for you. That was for your brother."

"I wanted cake."

"Why do you have to ruin everything for him?" Her mom asked.

"I wanted cake," came Monica's reply as her mom grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the house.

"You are going to your room, no dinner. You are not going to ruin your brother's night."

Monica began crying as her mom dragged her up towards her room and sat Monica in a chair facing the wall.

"Time out," her mother said.

"Noooooo...I hate Ross," Monica cried.

"I wish you were like Ross," she heard her mother mutter before storming out of her room and slamming the door shut. Monica cried and sat facing the wall a bit longer before getting up and walking towards her rows of dolls. Her baby dolls never left her...just like food. When she was a grown up, she would have babies of her own and they would never leave her for Mindy, Sharon and Nancy. She would have a husband who would love her too. A husband that would like her more than her stupid brother. She picked up one of her dolls and looked under her bed where she grabbed a box. She opened it and grabbed a Hershey bar, unwrapping it and taking a bite. She walked towards her window. Climbing on her bed, she stared out the window, still crying. One day it would be less lonely. One day.

Although that one day would not be today or the next. The next day at school, Rachel was sitting with Nancy, Sharon and Mindy. They were giggling and Monica felt alone although, Mindy, Sharon, Nancy and Rachel seemed to make sure Monica didn't feel alone. Every time they saw her, they'd say something. It killed her inside. Twenty four hours earlier, Rachel had been her friend. Now, nothing.

"Elephant, elephant...walks like an elephant," Sharon said as she, Rachel, Mindy and Nancy passed by Monica on the playground. Monica sat brushing the hair of one of the dolls in the classroom, her name was Paula and she had a nightmare so Monica took Paula outside and was tending to her when the four girls took that moment to tease her.

"Piggie and smells like one too," Nancy said.

Monica looked over at Rachel and thought she could see a hint of sadness in Rachel's eyes. Monica wondered if Rachel felt sad. Rachel quickly shook her head.

"Monicow. She's Monica and she's a cow. Monicow," Rachel said. Mindy, Sharon and Nancy all stared at Rachel, grinning.

"That's good," Sharon said.

Rachel smiled as Monica's eyes filled with tears. She stared at Rachel who suddenly looked alarmed. Suddenly, Nancy, Mindy and Sharon raced off, all three yelling to anyone within earshot that Monica's new name was now, "Monicow". Rachel stared at Monica.

"I'm sorry, Monica."

"Leave me alone. I hate you."

"No, don't hate me. I don't want you to hate me. We can be secret friends? That's better. Then we get to share more secrets? Will you be my secret friend?" Rachel asked.

Rachel looked sad and Monica shrugged her shoulders. She wiped the tears away from her face as she stared at Rachel.

"I guess," Monica said.

"Rachel, get away from Monicow," Nancy yelled from across the playground.

"I have to go," Rachel raced off towards Nancy. Monica continued to watch from the sidelines as her classmates continuing taunting her with cries of "Monicow". She stared down at the red haired doll in her arms and craddled her. Paula was scared, she could tell. She would concentrate on Paula, not on the others. They didn't understand. They were mean. They called her names. Paula wouldn't call her names, Paula just wanted to feel better so that's what Monica focused on, hoping that she would feel better herself.


	2. Chapter 2

**March 1979-January 1980**

Being the secret friend of Rachel Green was tough work. Very tough work. There were rules to being her secret friend. Monica had written those rules down:

_ 1. Do not eat lunch with Rachel at school_

_ 2. Rachel can't invite Monica to her birthday parties_

_ 3. Rachel will celebrate her birthday with Monica the day after her birthday party_

_ 4. Rachel will always be included at Monica's birthday_

_ 5. The secret friendship will never be revealed _

Rachel had even signed this contract of sorts and wrote in tiny letters at the bottom of the contract, "I'm sorry". Despite this, it was how their friendship would progress. At school, Monica sat alone, often with a doll or two and would watch as Rachel would sit with Mindy, Sharon and Nancy. She would put on a brave face when the four girls would walk over to her and call her "Monicow" and "Fatso". She grinned when during a dodge ball game in PE in the third grade Nancy screamed, "let's tip the cow" and everyone threw their balls at her, even Rachel. Ross was no help either. Whenever he saw Rachel, he'd stare at her. When Monica told Ross how mean she was, Ross called Monica fat and said that Rachel was the most perfect person ever in the whole entire world. Monica's weight seemed to be increasing with each passing year as well. With every insult thrown her way, a cookie would be the reward. She'd sit in the pantry of her home, eating what she could find and then making sure everything was back in it's place, she'd sneak up to her room and play with her dolls or make friendship bracelets, a skill she had discovered and when Rachel had seen her work, she added a number six to the secret friendship contract:

_6. Make Rachel friendship bracelets every week._

Monica's favorite day with Rachel was on Monica's birthday. They would sit together in the big pantry of the Geller home, sharing a box of Twinkies and secrets. Monica got to see Rachel for who she actually was, genuinely sweet. It was her favorite part of the secret friendship, she got to see something no one else did. She got to see the real Rachel.

"So guess what?" Rachel asked, taking a bite of a Twinkie. It was 1979 and Monica's ninth birthday. The friendship bracelet Monica had made for Rachel hung on Rachel's wrist. Monica's eyes widened as Rachel looked at her.

"What?"

"I played a trick on Amy," Rachel said referring to her twelve year old sister.

"Really? What did you do?" Monica asked. She loved listening to Rachel talk about the pranks she pulled. It was something else she knew about Rachel, but no one else did.

"I filled her bed with nickels," Rachel said as she covered her mouth and giggled. Monica laughed too.

"Why?"

"'Cause it's funny. I put them in the sheets. So they were really heavy and made noise. It was funny."

"That sounds funny."

"We could play a trick on Ross?"

"No, I'd get in trouble," Monica said.

"No."

"Yeah."

"Oh...can I tell you a secret? Promise not to tell?"

"I promise," Monica said as she unwrapped another Twinkie.

"You're brother isn't ugly."

"Ewww, do you like my brother? 'Cause that's like really, super gross."

"No, I don't like your stupid brother. I'm just saying he's not ugly. That is all."

"Ewww, you like my brother. Maybe you'll get married and then...oh, if you got married, we'd be sisters," Monica remarked.

"Monica, we are sisters," Rachel stressed, grabbing another Twinkie and unwrapping it. Monica smiled, although the comment made her feel sad.

"Just secret sisters?" Monica asked.

"Secret sisters. That's so much better than real sisters. I have real sisters and they are so mean. Amy talks on the phone all day and night and-and Jill...she is such a baby that she still sleeps with a night light. When I was her age, I did not sleep with a night light," Rachel said.

"But you were still afraid of the dark," Monica said, remembering her seventh birthday when Rachel had slept over. Rachel had asked if they could sleep with the bathroom light on, it was one of the first secrets that Rachel had ever told Monica...that she was afraid of the dark.

"You don't tell people that," Rachel said.

"Not even your family?"

"No. My mommy and daddy always say that it is best to keep everything you're afraid of inside and never let anyone know."

"Your mommy and daddy say weird things," Monica said. "You told me."

"'Cause I trust you."

Monica smiled as she nodded. Her friendship with Rachel was weird. In private, Rachel revealed her true self. She revealed her fears, her wants, her desires. Monica knew that Rachel loved soap operas, eating Twinkies and could polish off an entire bag of marshmallows on her own. She knew Rachel was afraid of the dark until second grade. She knew Rachel loved to play pranks and watch silly movies. She knew Rachel called her in tears, begging Monica not to hate her after that horrible game of dodge ball where Nancy wanted to play "tip the cow". She knew Rachel loved clothes and would steal her mom's fashion magazines. It was almost like Monica got this secret pass into the secret world of Rachel Green.

The holidays were rough for Monica. It began with an accident during Thanksgiving of 1979. She and Ross were playing touch football with their cousins. Everyone was there for the Annual Geller Bowl. There was trophy involved, teams, everything. Ross was picking on her a lot that day, telling her she was too fat to be on anyone's team. He had said it in front of their parents, yet they seemed to ignore it. Monica was getting mad and as the game began, she kept getting madder. It wasn't just Ross that was being mean, it was all of her cousins. The adults seemed oblivious. It felt like school, like that horrible game of dodge ball when the teachers stood around and let her get harassed. She wasn't sure what had happened. She hadn't even noticed what she had done but she caught the ball and Ross ran towards her.

"Oink, oink," Ross said, grinning at her. Monica glared at him as she lifted her arm up and quickly moved her elbow back. She heard something crunch but kept running until she felt her mom grab her arm and began spanking her. She let out a cry.

"Stop, stop," Monica cried.

"You broke your brother's nose," Judy said as she continued. Monica could hear laughing behind her. Her cousins were laughing at her.

"He said oink, oink," Monica said as Judy finally stopped spanking her and turned her around to glare at her.

"Don't lie to me. I am not in the mood. You have ruined Thanksgiving," Judy said.

"He was being mean," Monica cried as she rubbed her bottom.

"Let's go...to your room," Judy said as she grabbed Monica's arm and dragged her off. Through her tears, Monica could see her cousins snickering. Ross was standing with Jack, glaring at her.

"Way to go, fatty," Ross muttered.

"Mom, Ross called me fat," Monica said.

"You broke his nose," Judy said as she pulled Monica into the house and up to her room. She sat Monica in a chair that was facing the wall.

"This isn't fair," Monica said.

"You are to stay in this room and not come out. We have to now take your brother to the hospital," Judy said as she walked out of Monica's room, slamming the door shut behind her. Monica kept crying as she stared at the wall. Soon, she wore herself out with crying and got up. She walked towards her bed and peered under it, grabbing a large Hershey bar. She slowly unwrapped it, taking a bite. It helped, made her stop crying. No one understood. It seemed obvious. She would always be a secret. She sat on her bed, staring out the window, tears falling again. She was Rachel's secret friend. Even her parents seemed to want to keep her a secret. As she was staring out the window, she thought of the Geller Bowl Trophy. She wanted that trophy. It was hers. If she was to be a secret, then she'd secretly take a prize. She finished off the Hershey bar and slowly opened her door. She snuck out of her room and tiptoed towards her parents room. She could hear her family laughing downstairs. She paid no intention. She was a secret, invisible. The Geller Bowl Trophy was sitting on her dad's side of the bed. He had said something about throwing it away, but she would get it. She grabbed it and tiptoed back to her room, hiding it under her bed. She grabbed another Hershey bar and unwrapped it, eating it. It made her happy, like sitting in the pantry eating Twinkies with Rachel. It was her secret.

Ross got his revenge that Hanukkah. Things had eventually blown over. Ross had gotten his nose fixed and no one had bothered asking where the trophy was, especially since Ross was injured and Judy and Jack had to tend to him. Monica felt even more ignored but when she got that Easy Bake Oven she had wanted, she thought maybe...just maybe her parents had finally listened. She decided to make brownies which she did but they took forever to bake and she was getting impatient and that's when Ross approached her with the light bulbs from the halogen lamps they had in the Geller living room.

"You know, I read somewhere that halogen lights make things bake faster," Ross said.

"Really?" Monica asked. She wasn't sure what he meant or exactly what halogen was, but Ross was always reading science books. So maybe he knew.

"Let me help you."

"You forgive me for breaking your nose?" Monica asked.

"You're my sister. Let me replace the bulbs for you," Ross said as he replaced them for her. She was amazed that he was doing something for her. Maybe things would change in 1980. Maybe he would be a nicer brother. Ross grinned at her and walked out of the room. Monica stood back and waited while the brownies baked. Soon though, she smelled smoke and suddenly the entire Easy Bake Oven burst into flames. She screamed when Judy and Jack raced into the living room to see the Easy Bake on fire. Jack ran to get the fire extinguisher as Judy grabbed Monica's arm. Jack ran back with the fire extinguisher and extinguished the fire. Monica was breathing heavily as she stared at wreckage of her Easy Bake oven.

"What happened?" Judy asked as Jack leaned in closer to inspect what had gone wrong when he stepped back and walked towards the lamps with the halogen light bulbs. He looked in each lamp and then turned to look at them.

"She changed the bulbs," Jack said, looking angry which scared Monica. She had never seen her dad get angry at her. It was usually her mom who did the disciplining.

"You did what?" Judy asked.

"No, no, Ross did," Monica said, "he changed the bulbs...he did it, not me. Please believe me."

"Let's go," Jack walked towards Monica and grabbed her arm. Monica was terrified, sobbing as her dad pulled her upstairs to her room. At the top of the stairs, Monica saw Ross, laughing.

"Ross did it," Monica cried as Jack pulled Monica into her room and pulled her over his knee where he began to smack her bottom. Monica was in hysterics. "It wasn't me."

"Stop lying."

"No, daddy. Please."

Monica was sobbing as her dad spanked her. Her dad never spanked her. This wasn't her fault, this was Ross'. Yet as it always seemed, no one believed her. Soon, her dad was done spanking her and led her to the chair facing the wall.

"You need to start behaving yourself. You almost burned down the house. You are not to come out of this room," Jack said, sounding angry as he stormed out of the room. She sniffled as she stared at the wall.

"It's not my fault," she cried to the wall. "It's not my fault."

She took a deep breath and walked towards her bed, grabbing the box with the candy bars. She grabbed another Hershey bar and unwrapped it. As she ate, her crying subsided and she began to feel a bit better although no one did get her. She soon fell asleep on her bed, surrounded by Hershey bar wrappers. She dreamt of being a grownup, of moving away. She dreamt of being with someone who did not want to keep her a secret. Someone who believed her that Ross was evil.

The annual New Years Day party at the Green's house was a fancy affair. Tensions were still high between Ross and Monica. Monica still furious with him for getting her in trouble although, part of her wondered if her parents had realized that maybe Monica had been telling the truth because a few days after the Easy Bake Fire, she got a new Easy Bake Oven. Her parents never apologized, never said a word so she was still angry. When they reached the front door of the Green home, Jack turned and looked at Monica and Ross.

"You two need to get along and behave yourselves," Jack said.

"Do not embarrass us," Judy said.

"Hopefully, Monica won't try to burn down the house," Ross said.

"You put the bulbs in, not me...admit it," Monica whined.

"Kids, enough and you got a new Easy Bake, so we do not need to discuss it anymore" Jack said as he knocked on the door. Sandra Green opened the door with a big grin.

"Gellers," Sandra smiled as she ushered them in. She gave Judy a hug as she looked at Ross and Monica. "Rachel, Amy and Jill are in the playroom. Jack, the men are in the living room and Judy, will you help me in the kitchen. Sophie is catering. She should be here soon. Apparently, something came up with the other family she works for. I don't know, she'll be here soon."

"That's a shame. I hope everything is okay," Judy said.

"She said it was," Sandra said as she grabbed Judy's arm and pulled her towards the kitchen. Ross and Monica walked towards the playroom, not speaking to each other. When they walked in, Rachel noticed them immediately and ran towards them.

"Monica," Rachel said.

"Hey, Rachel, how are you?" Ross asked.

"I'm fine," Rachel said.

"That's a pretty dress you're wearing...it...it makes you look pretty," Ross said. Monica and Rachel both stared at him, confused.

"You're a weirdo. Will is over there playing with dolls," Rachel said pointing to a boy in the corner playing.

"Dinosaurs, not dolls," Will yelled.

Rachel rolled her eyes as Ross walked towards Will and began to play. Rachel smiled at Monica. She grabbed Monica's arm and pulled her over towards a toy box and pulled out two Barbies, handing one to Monica.

"We have to get them ready for prom. My doll is Lindsey, she's a Rock Star and she's the Homecoming queen. You're Donna. Donna is going on a diet so that she can go to prom and she's Lindsey's best friend and Lindsey will help her diet," Rachel explained.

"Okay," Monica said, just happy to be playing with Rachel in a public area. The two girls sat together and began playing. Rachel narrating the action and Monica just following along.

She noticed him as soon as he walked in. He didn't seem to belong. He was a small boy with a bowl cut and crystal blue eyes. No one else seemed to notice him as he took a seat on the couch and just stared. He looked sad, tired. When Rachel took a break from playing with her to go play with her sisters, Monica took that as her cue. She carefully approached the boy. She would make him feel comfortable. She felt sad for him but she wasn't sure why.

"Hi?"

The boy turned and looked at her. She smiled at him as he looked down at the floor.

"Hi."

"I'm Monica. Who are you?"

"Chandler. I'm-I'm here with Sophie."

"Oh, is she your mom?" Monica asked.

"Sure...yeah, she's my mom," Chandler said.

She didn't know Sophie, the Caterer had a son. He didn't look like Sophie.

"She's pretty. I like to cook too. I baked brownies in my Easy Bake oven yesterday," Monica grinned.

"No, you didn't. You ate the batter before the brownies were done," Ross said.

"Shut up," Monica shot back, still angry. How dare Ross bring up her attempt to make brownies with the new Easy Bake Oven after he had destroyed the first one?

"You did. You didn't wait for the brownies," Ross said.

"Shut up. That's my brother. He's annoying and stupid," Monica said. She hated Ross. She hated him so much. It had been all his fault although she did wonder if the reason he wasn't telling Chandler about the Easy Bake fire was because he felt bad. She could only hope so.

"I am not stupid. I know a lot more than you," Ross said.

"You're still stupid," Monica yelled.

"You know, he didn't say he wasn't annoying. He just said he wasn't stupid," Chandler whispered. Monica's eyes brightened as she looked at him and back at her brother.

"No. You didn't, Ross. Ross, you said you were annoying," Monica squealed.

"No, I didn't," Ross said.

"Yes, you did. Ross admitted he was annoying and-"

"Monica," Rachel screamed. Monica looked towards Rachel who was now playing with Amy and Jill near a doll house.

"What, Rachel?" Monica asked.

"Come here and clean my doll house or I'm gonna tell Mindy that she's gonna be my first best friend and you're going to be my second best friend," Rachel yelled.

"Oh," Monica said, giving Chandler a look. "I have to go."

Monica quickly ran to Rachel's side to begin cleaning the doll house. She wasn't sure Rachel had ever actually publicly declared her as any level of best friend, but she knew one of the rules of being Rachel's secret friend was she could not be considered Rachel's first best friend and in front of family, Monica was the second best friend. It was all so complicated but Monica was happy just to have Rachel as a friend.

She saw him race out of the room. Chandler. He had been standing by her brother and Will and then he ran out of the room. He seemed so scared. She worried about him. She didn't like that he felt bad.

"I'm gonna go find that boy," Monica said.

"What boy?" Rachel asked.

"The one that was sitting on the couch. He seems sad."

"Monica, it's in the rules. You have to do what I say and you need to clean the doll house," Rachel said.

"I'm gonna go um...find that boy. I don't want him to be sad."

"Fine, then you are no longer my friend," Rachel said.

"Is she really your friend?" Amy asked.

"No. Not in real life," Rachel said.

Monica simply nodded and stepped back. It always made her sad that Rachel was mean to her in public, but she knew that was one of the rules of their friendship. In private, Rachel was far nicer. She hoped one day maybe Rachel would be nice to her in public, but she wasn't sure when that would be.

She walked out of the playroom and made her way upstairs to the kitchen. She saw Chandler talking to Sophie. He looked upset as Sophie ran her fingers through his hair.

"Hello?" Monica asked as he jumped and looked at Monica.

"Hi," Chandler said.

"Rachel's being mean to me and told me I couldn't be her friend anymore. So I don't have anyone to play with. Do you wanna play with me?" Monica asked, watching him closely for a reaction. He looked at Sophie and then back at her.

"Okay. Yeah, I'll play with you," Chandler said.

"Great."

Monica grabbed his hand and pulled him out of of the kitchen. She continued dragging him back to the room where all the kids were playing. She dragged him towards a pile of board games, pulled checkers off the top of the pile and began setting it up as they sat across from each other.

"Do you know how to play checkers?" Monica asked.

"Yeah," Chandler said.

"So where do you live?" Monica asked.

"Scarsdale."

"What grade are you in?"

"Fifth."

"I'll be in fifth next year. When's your birthday?"

"April 8," Chandler said.

"What's your favorite color?"

"Wow, you ask a lot of questions."

"I'm sorry. I like asking questions. I mean, I know everything about me. I like to know about other people," Monica said. She felt so funny around this boy. She thought he had a pretty smile and pretty eyes, even though he looked so sad.

"Do you like jokes?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah."

"Okay. What did the math book say to the doctor?"

"What?"

"I have a lot of problems."

Monica giggled which made Chandler smile as well.

"That was funny. Tell another one."

Chandler told her lots of jokes as they played. Of course, she was intent on winning and she was but she liked that he was making her laugh. He seemed sweet, nice. She didn't really want him to leave. When they were done playing checkers, they played another board game and continued to talk.

"So what did you do last night?" Monica asked. She noticed he suddenly seemed nervous.

"Oh...my um...my Aunt Nora had a New Years Eve party."

"That sounds fun," Monica said.

"Yeah...it was...it was a real trip," Chandler said. Monica crinkled her nose, confused. "So...Monica, do you want to hear another joke?" He asked.

Monica nodded as Chandler continued. She could not pinpoint this feeling she was having sitting across from this boy. It was as if everything else fell away. She was no longer Rachel's secret friend. Chandler never looked at Rachel, kept his gaze strictly on Monica. It was as if he didn't know. She wasn't the one he was supposed to speak to. She was the ignored one, the secret but Chandler didn't know that because at that moment, with that boy telling her jokes...she felt anything but ignored.

Before he left that day, she decided to give Chandler a friendship bracelet she had made for Rachel. She ran up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned and looked at her and she handed it to him.

"What is this?" Chandler asked.

"A friendship bracelet. I had made it for Rachel, but I don't want her to have it anymore. Do you want it?"

"Okay."

"It's so you know that where ever you go, you will always have a friend," Monica grinned.

Chandler smiled as Monica gave him a hug before walking out the door. When he left, she returned to the playroom, that memory of the hug still in her mind. She could not stop thinking of him. Could not stop picturing him. She hoped he was happy, hoped that he'd think of her when he looked at the bracelet.

Rachel had come home with the Geller's to spend the night. Rachel and Monica found themselves in their favorite spot in the pantry, sharing a box of Twinkies. Ross was hanging out with Will in his room and Judy and Jack were in their room. Rachel did not mention the fight they had had...that was yet another rule, anything mean Rachel said to Monica in public could not be mentioned again because Rachel had to be mean in order to keep their friendship a secret although it seemed strange that this rule was still enforced in front of family members.

"So...who was that boy?" Rachel asked.

"Chandler."

"Do you like him?"

"No."

"You played with him the whole time."

"He was nice and I felt sad for him because Ross wasn't playing with him...and he's really funny. He told so many jokes. I didn't even know people knew that many jokes."

"You're gonna marry him," Rachel grinned, taking a bite of a Twinkie.

"I am not going to marry him because we've discussed this. My husband will be named, Matthew and we will have a daughter named, Emma and...and-"

"You're gonna marry him. I bet you a bazillion dollars."

"No because...no...you're wrong Rachel."

"I am not wrong."

"You are wrong. You're gonna marry Ross," Monica said.

"Ewww, no...and besides, he burned your Easy Bake down and got you in trouble so I don't like Ross," Rachel said which made Monica happy. She had told Rachel about how Ross had burned down the oven by putting in those bulbs and she was happy Rachel believed her. In secret, Rachel always believed her.

Back at school, Monica could not stop thinking about that boy. Chandler. She wondered if he was in school. She wondered if he still had that bracelet. She was sitting alone on the playground in her typical spot when Ross stormed over to her.

"What did you do to my desk?" Ross asked.

"What?" Monica asked.

"You filled it with honey and dental floss, that's not funny Monica," Ross said.

"I didn't do anything to your desk."

"Liar."

"I didn't...I..." Monica stopped as she noticed Rachel behind Ross sitting at a table with Nancy, Sharon and Mindy. Rachel was staring at her, grinning. Was it possible? When lunch was over, she walked into the classroom and towards her desk. She noticed a folded up paper in her pencil box. She opened the box and unfolded the note. In Rachel's writing it said, "_I thought Ross could use some dental floss...and honey-your secret sister_". She looked up at Rachel who was smiling at her. Monica mouthed, "thanks" to which Rachel simply nodded her head. Maybe in public she would always be Rachel's second best friend but she had a feeling in private, she was Rachel's only friend.


	3. Chapter 3

Summer 1981

This wasn't how Monica wanted to spend her summer. Rachel was going to summer camp again with Mindy and Sharon and Monica had wanted to go. She couldn't go the previous summer because her family decided to go on a cruise, but this summer...this summer she had been desperate to go. Rachel had even said that Monica could be her friend in public now. She could hang out with Rachel and do other summer camp things. It was going to be so much fun but no, her parents had other plans. Her weight had ballooned during fifth grade. She was no longer just a chubby girl, she was what the doctor had said obese and morbidly so. She would be going to a special camp, a camp where she would lose weight. That was the plan. Ross had called it a "fat camp" and that's exactly what it was. She would be going to a fat camp. She was fat. That's what it came down to...she was fat and needed to not be that. She cried when her parents broke the news, cried when they dropped her off. This was not how she had wanted to spend her summer before sixth grade.

It began with a weigh in. She was about a hundred pounds overweight already. She didn't care. It seemed everyone else had more of an issue with her weight than she did. Yes, the insults hurt. She would be the first to admit that, but she was who she was. At least people noticed her...if she was thin, she would completely disappear. More than now. Although, she did find it comforting to not be referred to as a cow...that was nice. There were no games of "tip the cow". No one screaming "wide load" as she walked, but still she wanted to be at camp with Rachel.. She wondered what Rachel would say to Mindy and Sharon while they roasted marshmallows and stuff. She had told Rachel about the camp and she hoped Rachel would not tell but she wasn't sure. Part of the rules of their friendship was that any secrets Rachel told Monica had to remain secret but the secrets Monica told Rachel...well, as Rachel explained she had to tell people so it would be obvious they weren't friends in public.

The camp involved exercise and healthy food. The first day was hell and her dinner which was chicken and veggies looked unappetizing. She wanted chocolate, cake, cookies. They comforted her. She wondered what Rachel was eating? When she got her plate, she walked to a table to sit alone. A force of habit she guessed. She would count the days until she could go home and fade into the background. She was poking at her chicken when two girls suddenly appeared in front of her.

"Why are you sitting alone?" The blonde girl asked.

"Yeah, didn't you listen to the boring talk today that we need to be a team and work together," the brunette said, sarcastically which made Monica giggle. After the weigh, the head of the camp gave some talk about working together as a team. She didn't listen. The two girls plopped down next to her.

"Speak, what's your name?" the brunette asked.

"I'm Monica," she said, liking the brunette almost immediately.

"I'm Ellie...and this is Jellybean," Ellie said, pointing to the blonde.

"No, my name is Laurie. You know you can't give food nicknames," Laurie said.

"I'm sorry...what's your other nickname?" Ellie asked.

"I get called Lardo," Laurie said.

"I'm Elephant," Ellie said.

"Oh, I get called, Monicow. It's so fun," Monica said.

"I know, right," Ellie said. "By the way, this food tastes so gross."

Monica smiled at these two girls who seemed intent on being her friend...and her friend in public. She had a feeling that these two would not give her a list of rules on what to do to be her friend. She liked that. It felt good and that was the only thing she liked about this fat camp. She was starving, that first night, she could hear her stomach growl as she lay there in the dark. The next morning for breakfast, it was egg whites and fruit. It was the same day after day. She was thankful for Ellie and Laurie. Their friendship kept this camp from becoming unbearable but all she wanted was to go home. To get away from there and eat the chocolate under her bed.

"I can't...I am going to die," Laurie whined over breakfast. It was a few weeks into the camp experience. Monica had lost some weight, but it felt meaningless. Sure there were therapists in the camp that discussed why people ate so much. She had learned something about emotional eating, but that's not why she ate so much. She had to eat a lot. She had now become "Monicow". Her identity at school was just that. If she didn't have that, she wasn't sure what she had.

"You know, there's a McDonald's down the road," Ellie said.

"I would die for a Big Mac," Monica said.

"We should make a break for it," Ellie said.

"We can't do that. We'll get kicked out," Monica said, her eyes widening.

"We'll come back," Ellie said.

Monica stared down at her egg whites and mealy pieces of fruit. She wondered what Rachel was eating at her fancy summer camp? She wanted so badly to leave, maybe she could get kicked out and sent to camp with Rachel. Although, would anyone notice if she was gone. She had become so used to being the one in the shadows, the hidden one. Ross was the superstar of the family, Rachel was the superstar of the school. Who was she? She was nothing. She was the fat one. This camp was not going to solve that, not going to help it at all.

She listened as Ellie and Laurie made plans. Sneaking out just seemed so bad, such a wrong thing to do. She always followed the rules. She wasn't like Rachel who played pranks on people. She was good, she followed the rules but...it really never did her any good. She was always getting in trouble, always being dragged into her room, being told not to leave. Even if it wasn't her fault. She had even gotten into trouble for that prank Rachel had pulled on Ross, Monica's parents thinking she was lying when she said Rachel had pulled the prank. It wasn't until a couple people came forward and said that it was Rachel that put honey in Ross' desk that her parents finally believed her and then Rachel got suspended for a week but when she got back, Rachel seemed even more popular. Maybe Monica could escape from this camp, maybe she'd have a story. Maybe she would finally be cool.

It was late when Ellie, Laurie and Monica met by the front of the camp. They were dressed in black, each carrying wallets. They opened the front door slowly and tip toed out. There was a security guard guarding the entrance so Ellie motioned for them to go around towards some bushes. Monica's heart was beating out of her chest, she could hear her footsteps as they made their way through some foresty area and towards the road where they ran like crazy towards the big yellow arches. They had made it and ordered tons of food and found a table.

"I can't believe we did this. I never do anything bad. I mean, I always get in trouble for stuff," Monica said as she took a bite of her Big Mac. It tasted amazing.

"That camp is dumb," Ellie say.

"I know...my mother was like boys will like you more if you lose weight and I'm like mom, I have eight boyfriends and have made out with all of them," Laurie said.

"You've made out with boys?" Monica asked, shocked.

"Of course," Laurie said.

"But you're eleven. You're my age," Monica said.

"She's a slut," Ellie said.

"Wow...the most I've done is...give a boy a friendship bracelet," Monica said.

"Whoa," Ellie said, "that's...weird."

"Is he your boyfriend?" Laurie asked.

"No. No...he's just a boy. He's the son of this caterer that works for a friend of mine's family. He was at a New Years Day party and he seemed sad so I gave him a friendship bracelet," Monica said.

"You like him?" Ellie asked.

"I...I don't...it doesn't matter. He...was nice and funny and sweet...and super cute...but...boys don't usually like me. They ignore me. He didn't know he was supposed to ignore me," Monica said.

"Maybe he didn't wanna ignore you because he liked you," Ellie said.

"No...probably not. I don't wanna talk about him. I'm never gonna see him ever again so it doesn't matter," Monica said, sounding sad. She peered out the window and could almost see the boy in her mind. She wondered if he thought of her, if he still had that friendship bracelet? Probably not. It had been so long ago. She bet he had forgotten all about her.

After their McDonalds dinner, the trio walked back to camp but unfortunately sneaking back on campgrounds was far more difficult then sneaking off. As soon as they stepped foot on the grounds, flashlights were shining on them and they were taken into the front office. Parents were called, bags were being packed and Monica knew she was in trouble, she was getting kicked out of fat camp. She knew she should be upset, scared, everything but she couldn't bring herself to be upset. It was a badge of honor. She was expelled from fat kid camp. She could not wait to be home with her dolls and candy bars. But of course, first there were her parents who looked furious as they walked in and stared at her.

"Let's go," Jack said, walking towards her and grabbing her arm. A few words were spoken to the camp director before she was dragged out to the car. She knew she should be scared. She should be upset but she wasn't. She almost felt a little proud.

When they reached their home, Monica got out as did her parents. She looked, wondering who was going to punish her this time as both parents looked so angry. It was Judy, taking her and pulling her upstairs. Judy pulled Monica into her room and towards her bed where she was pulled over her mother's knee. Monica closed her eyes as her mother proceeded to spank her. She didn't cry this time. She had gotten good at that. Maybe that was what she was, the bad kid. Ross was good, she was bad and she had proven that tonight.

"When are you going to learn to behave yourself?" Judy asked with each smack. Monica let out a snort, wanting to tell her she would behave when she was treated as well as Ross but she knew that would just result in more spanking. When Judy was done, she dragged Monica towards the chair that faced the wall, sat her there and stormed out of the room.

Monica got up and walked towards her bed again, looking underneath it and finding all the candy bars. She had missed those, grabbing two giant Hershey bars and unwrapping them, polishing them both off. They were fantastic, good, she had missed them so and when she fell asleep that night, it was wonderful, perfect.

The next day, her parents were still angry but dragged her to a pool party. Jack's best friend, Richard Burke and his wife were having a pool party so Monica was taken with them. When they walked in, they were immediately greeted by Richard.

"Hey, Jack...hi, Judy. Monica, I didn't expect you," Richard said, smiling at her.

"Yes, I got kicked out fat camp so I'm here," Monica grinned. Judy let out a laugh and placed her hand on Monica's shoulder, squeezing it.

"She's joking, such a little jokster," Judy said.

"You know what, I'm glad you're here. You can play with Michelle," Richard said.

"Great...I'll tell her I got kicked out of fat kid camp," Monica said as she walked into the house and towards the backyard. Michelle Burke was in her class but she wasn't friends with her. Michelle was friends with others. She knew Michelle had a younger brother Timothy who was eight and when she stepped outside onto the patio, she noticed him playing with some friends in the pool. Michelle was sitting alone, dipping her feet into the pool. Monica quickly undressed, she was wearing a purple one piece bathing suit which she loved. She walked over to Michelle and sat next to her.

"Hi, Michelle."

"Hi, Monica...I thought you were at camp?"

"I got kicked out. It was a fat kid camp."

"There's a camp for fat kids?"

"Yes. I went to McDonalds."

"That's weird. I don't think you should go to a fat kid camp."

"Thank you...and thanks for not calling me Monicow."

"Why would I do that? That's not your name."

"No, it's not...Rachel calls me that."

"I don't like her. She's mean. She says mean things."

Monica shrugged. She couldn't say anything because that's would ruin the secret friendship she had with Rachel. It was part of the rules. But she was starting to hate the rules...she got kicked out of camp. She was a rule breaker. She stared across the backyard at her parents sitting with Richard and Michelle's mom. They were talking, eating chips and salsa. They were laughing about something. She wasn't sure she cared too much.

"Michelle, do you wanna play with me?" Monica asked.

"Sure."

"Really?" Monica asked, a little surprised. Michelle was always a quiet one, she wasn't popular like Rachel and she wasn't unpopular like Monica. She was in between, in that gray area. Monica wondered why she had never played with Michelle before and after begging her mom and dad, she even got the chance to spend the night. She figured Jack and Judy were so willing to let her sleep over somewhere else was because they didn't want her at home but she didn't mind. She and Michelle sat infront of the television in cookie dough and watching movies...although there wasn't a whole lot of watching going on.

"I love raw cookie dough," Monica said, taking a bite.

"I can't believe your parents sent you to fat camp," Michelle said.

"Well, I am fat."

"No, you're not fat...you're Monica."

Monica smiled. She liked hanging out with Michelle and as the days progressed, she and Michelle hung out together almost everyday. It felt nice to finally have a friend, someone she could talk to, someone who would not publicly make fun of her. She even got to play with Ellie and Laurie. They lived close to her although they both went to different elementary schools. She had three friends now. Three people she could call her friends in public. It felt good. She could not wait to tell Rachel.

Rachel finally got home late in August and called Monica telling her she needed to come over. When Rachel arrived, she took Monica's hand and directed to the pantry where they sat, splitting their box of Twinkies.

"Camp was awful," Rachel whined, taking a bite of a Twinkie.

"Why?"

"Because this loser filled my bed with peanut butter," Rachel said which made Monica giggle.

"Monica, it's not funny."

"It sounds funny. Why did he fill your bed with peanut butter?"

"Because he was loser and he was dating some loser girl in my cabin. They were freaks. Who puts peanut butter in someone's bed. That's weird and he called me a coyote."

"A coyote?"

"Like the cartoon. He wanted me to run off a cliff like Wylie Coyote."

"He said that?" Monica asked although, it seemed kind of a clever nickname to her but she knew better than to say that to Rachel.

"Yes. He was such a freak. I threw ice at his head."

"Maybe he had a crush on you?"

"Ewww, no...he's ugly and stupid and...really ugly and...stupid."

"That's all?"

"Yes and mean...he was the meanest boy I have ever met in my whole entire life."

"I'm sorry. So you want me to make you peanut butter cookies?"

"Shut up, Monica."

"Sorry."

"How was your summer?"

"Well, I got kicked out of fat kid camp," Monica said.

"You got kicked out of fat camp?"

"I did. It was awesome. I made these two new friends, Ellie and Laurie. They live close by and we snuck out and went to McDonalds."

"That's not good."

"It was. I made friends, Rachel...and...and you know Michelle Burke? She's nice too. I became friends with her and she said I could sit with her at lunch when school starts again. I like that...I mean, I would sit with you but-"

"But you can't...that's not in the rules."

"I know."

"But..." Rachel began, sounding worried. She looked down and back up at Monica. It seemed strange how worried Rachel seemed. "Am I still your best friend?"

"Of course. Always...we're secret best friends."

"Yeah," Rachel said, sounding almost sad.

"But Rachel...are we ever allowed to be not secret friends?"

"No...'cause...'cause Nancy would get mad and...and Mindy is my number one best friend and...and...it's...sorry."

"I understand," Monica said but for the first time in a long time, she really didn't. She didn't understand why she couldn't be friends with Rachel in public, why there were so many rules to their friendship? It didn't seem fair.

"Monica...do you ever get scared of stuff?" Rachel asked as she stared at the Twinkie in her hand, breaking it in half and taking a bite.

"What do you mean? Scared of what?"

"Nothing...it's just...promise me you won't stop being my secret best friend. 'Cause that would make me sad."

"Rachel...I'm your friend. Always," Monica said, smiling at her. There was something about Rachel that seemed so sad, her sitting there, nibbling at the Twinkie. It made Monica sad and just like all those dolls in her room, she wanted to protect her, take care of her even if it seemed Rachel only wanted the protecting to be kept a secret.


	4. Chapter 4

**__****_Hey-_**

**_First, hopefully more of you will review this! Second, for those who don't know yet-this is a parallel story to the other two "True Stories..." I've written for Phoebe and Chandler and finally-as for Rachel, yes I know she's horrible here but I never saw her as bitchy, just vulnerable and scared! _**

**February-March 1983**

Monica was forever grateful for Michelle, Ellie and Laurie. Ellie and Laurie had transferred to Monica's junior high and seventh grade was not sucking as much as she thought it would. Sure, Rachel was still her secret best friend and she was mooed everywhere she went. She was still called Monicow but now she had three girls to eat with and to call her friends. It was nice and now as she was planning her Bat Mitzvah for the next month, she was beyond thrilled that she could have a guest list. She was sitting at her kitchen table with Laurie, Ellie and Michelle going over lists. She had put together a binder and separated them into various categories and organized them by importance. Right now, she was discussing seat arrangements.

"Oh, I get to sit next to Will," Laurie exclaimed, peering at the guest list. Will was Ross' best friend.

"Will is sitting next to Ross and-"

"I will sit on his lap," Laurie grinned.

"You disgust me, Jellybean," Ellie said.

"I have lost five pounds," Laurie said.

"I do have one problem...Rachel," Monica said.

"You invited her?" Michelle asked.

"Yeah... and she's coming and...and I wanted her to sit at my table."

"She's not going to do that," Michelle said.

"Where is Rat Face?" Ellie asked, that was her secret nickname for Rachel. Monica always felt a little guilty laughing about it.

"She's helping out at her aunt's store," Monica said. "Alright, we'll discuss seating arrangements later. Let's look at food...we're having a buffet for the kids and sit down for the adults."

Some might find it odd how much planning Monica was doing for her own Bat Mitzvah, but she loved it. When her parents told her that it was time to start planning, she took it into her own hands. She made lists, detailed lists. It comforted her. She felt she finally had some control.

"Hey, Monicow, what's mooing?" Ross asked as he walked into the kitchen carrying his backpack and opening the fridge.

"Wow, Ross...you're original. By the way, you realized you aren't Shaft?" Ellie asked. Monica let out a snort. Ross had curly hair, very curly hair and instead of trying to tame it he seemed intent on letting it morph into some weird Jewish Afro looking thing.

"Yeah, that Afro is looking mighty high today," Laurie said.

"Go away," Ross said as he grabbed a Coke out of the fridge, "alright, I'm going to Astros Comics. You need anything?"

"Oh, yes," Monica said, getting up and walking towards the counter. She grabbed a piece of paper on which she had written him a note,

"_Ross-_

_ Can you pick up two dozen Linzor tortes on your way back from Astros? Also, Mom wants you to pick up the cakes for Nana's birthday, Thanks, Monica"_

"I was just being polite," Ross muttered.

"I know. But thanks."

"What the hell is a Linzor torte?" Ross asked.

"Oh, those are good," Laurie said.

Ross shook his head as he walked out of the kitchen, leaving Monica to plan more with her friends. She had been so scared of junior high. She had heard such horrible stories but it wasn't so bad. Sure, she was still heavy. Since her stint at fat camp, she had put on more weight but none of that mattered more than the fact that she finally had friends. She wasn't as much in the shadows anymore. She wasn't a secret...well except when it came to her friendship with Rachel. She and Rachel still retreated to the pantry to eat Twinkies and share secrets and at school, they rarely spoke. Rachel was popular, she was not and the rules were still very much in effect.

"So Will will be sitting by me," Laurie smiled.

"Maybe...oh, I have to remember...I gotta call the DJ," Monica said.

"Isn't your mom doing any of this planning? My mom wouldn't let me do any planning," Michelle said.

"I don't trust my mom with planning, she'll probably turn it into another party to celebrate Ross," Monica said.

"The Shaft Man," Ellie said.

"Oh, Michelle, your mom and dad are definitely coming though. They'll sit with my parents," Monica said as she continued to plan. She looked over guest lists, over themes. She had decided the theme should be foods from around the world. She would have different entrees from different cultures. She had taken care of so much that she wondered if perhaps she could be an event planner when she got older. A party planner...she'd plan other people's parties. She felt so in control, people needed her. They needed her lists, her ideas. She wasn't a secret, she was front and center. Helping, problem solving...it took her out of herself. When she was organizing, she was not the "fat girl", she was the one in charge.

The planning high ended quickly when Ross came barreling through the front door about an hour or so later. He kept screaming and yelling for Jack and Judy. Monica, Ellie, Laurie and Michelle exchanged looks and stood up, walking towards the front door where Judy was already comforting a terrified Ross. He looked pale and was shaking.

"What happened?" Monica asked.

"I-I got-got...mugged," Ross said.

"Oh, poor baby," Judy said.

"In Long Island? Who gets mugged in Long Island?" Laurie said.

"Shaft," Ellie said.

"It's not funny," Ross said, "it was a big, hairy man...with...with no teeth and he had a pipe and...and he took my backpack. All my money and...and.."

"We should call the police," Jack said, walking towards the phone. Ross' eyes widened as he broke free of Judy's grasp.

"No, no...I don't wanna call the police," Ross said.

"Why not?" Ellie asked.

"I-I just wanna forget it happened. Really...it was so scary, I don't wanna tell other people...I'd...I just...I don't wanna call the police," Ross said, shaking his head. It was a little confusing. He was clearly scared but he seemed so adamant, no police.

"Come into the kitchen...I'll make you a treat," Judy said, placing her arm around Ross and leading him towards the kitchen.

"Does that mean you didn't get the Linzor tortes?" Monica asked.

"Monica," Jack said.

"What?" Monica asked.

Jack shook his head and followed Judy and Ross into the kitchen. Monica turned to look at her friends. All stood in amazement by what had just happened.

"Why doesn't he want us to call the police?" Ellie asked.

"I thought that was strange...what if he's lying?" Michelle asked.

"You don't lie about getting mugged," Monica asked.

"What if he got mugged but it wasn't by a guy. It was a girl. He got mugged by a big giant girl," Laurie said.

"Girls don't mug people," Monica said.

"Please, my mother once mugged a dude in Brooklyn for a pack of cigarettes and a People Magazine," Laurie said.

"Huh," Monica let that sink in. Could he have been mugged by a girl? No, no that didn't seem possible. She would like to think her big brother could have held his own against a girl but then again she had once broken his nose and Ross was not known for being a tough guy. Being in the shadows sometimes helped, she knew her brother's reputation and it wasn't entirely a good one. Rachel had even confided in her once that Monica was considered cooler than Ross. That shocked her. Then Rachel informed her the bar was set pretty low for Monica and Ross, but still...Monica was still cooler. Despite the insult though, Monica took it as a complement.

Rachel had been working at her aunt's store, Olivia's and rushed over when she heard the news. It spread fast throughout the town that Ross had been mugged outside a comic book store. Rachel walked into the house where Monica, Ellie, Michelle and Laurie were sitting on the couch eating popcorn while staring at Ross who was crying over his Science Boy comic book being stolen during the mugging. Rachel walked in and looked over at Ellie, Michelle and Laurie with a look of disgust that Monica never understood. Rachel hated Monica's friends. Unlike Rachel's friends, Monica's friends were never mean to her face. Monica's friends never called Rachel a cow or tried to tip her over.

"Oh, Ross...how are you?" Rachel asked.

"We think he got mugged by a girl," Laurie said.

"I did not," Ross said.

"That's horrible. Uh, this town is really becoming gross. There were these hobos that came into Olivia's today with all this cash. They were so filthy...they probably got all their money from prostitution," Rachel said.

"Yes, because that's what prostitutes do. They sell their bodies just so they can buy overpriced clothes from a boutique that sells clothes that no normal sized person can fit into," Ellie said.

"Normal sized people can fit into the clothes. You girls are just too heavy to fit into the clothes at Olivia's. But that's okay," Rachel said.

"I'm normal sized and I can't fit into any clothes at Olivia's," Michelle offered.

"Uh...oh, you think you're normal sized?" Rachel asked.

"Excuse me?" Michelle asked.

"Anyway..." Monica said, immediately putting an end to any potential argument.

"I was so scared. I mean, the guy was huge. Six feet tall and scary and...and he had a beard and a mustache and-and-the pipe...he had a pipe." Ross said.

"Then why can't we call the police?" Ellie asked.

"Because...it...he...Rachel's right. It was a probably a prostitute or a hobo," Ross said.

Monica watched as Ross shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He kept looking up at Rachel as she looked down at him, touching his arm. Something seemed so strange about all of this. She wondered who Ross' mugger could be? Although, there was a part of her that wondered if it was a girl? That would be funny, what if the prostitute that shopped in Rachel's aunt's store had mugged Ross? Perhaps that's why he didn't want to call the police, but if that were indeed true than Rachel was right, Monica was cooler than Ross and that made Monica a little sad inside..

Planning her Bat Mitzvah was difficult, making it more difficult was Rachel. Monica wanted Rachel to come and she did not want to invite Mindy or Sharon or Nancy but Rachel had a problem with that. Rachel told her she had to invite them, it was the only way for her not to get made fun of. If people found out Monica was having a party and didn't invite the popular girls, they'd make her miserable so she invited them but now a month before the party, they still hadn't RSVPed and Monica was going to put them down as no but sitting in their usual spot, eating the Twinkies in the pantry, Rachel was trying to convince her otherwise.

"They will come."

"I don't want them to come. They're mean."

"They're not mean, they're my best friends and your friends are meaner," Rachel said.

"You called us all fat."

"We were in public."

"We were in my house."

"Look, okay...they are going to come."

"Fine...fine...okay, but you're still sitting at my table. I want you to sit at my table."

"No, no...I can't. That's breaking the rules."

"Rachel, it's my Bat Mitzvah. When it's yours...am I not going to be at your table?"

"No because it's the rules."

"I don't know if I like the rules anymore," Monica said.

"It's the only way we can be friends."

"Hmmm, what about when you get married. Will I be able to sit at your table then?"

"Maybe."

"You'll still sit at my table when I get married."

"Monica, come on...it's just...I-"

"I know. I won't sit you at my table," Monica said, letting out a sigh.

"Don't be mad...it's just...it's-"

"It's fine, Rach," Monica said although she wasn't sure how fine it was anymore. She wanted so badly to be Rachel's friend but in public. She wanted to hang out with her...outside of her pantry but Rachel seemed so reluctant to do that. It made her mad, very mad.

But soon enough, it became time for the planner herself to take center stage. Her Bat Mitzvah began with a simple service at Temple Beth. She had decided to chant her Torah portions, spending more time practicing. She had decided on a black velvet dress, her hair teased. She loved that she was the center of attention. Even her mom and dad were focused more on her than on Ross. Her father calling her by his nickname for her, his Little Harmonica. It made her feel good...and then came the party.

Mindy, Sharon and Nancy had decided to show up last minute which angered her. She had to do a last minute scramble to get them seats and when they arrived, Rachel once again no longer became her friend in public. Then the humiliation continued with the chair lifting. It's a tradition at Bat and Bar Mitzvahs for the person to be lifted in a chair and celebrated. At first, Monica had been hesitant to do this. She knew her weight, she knew she was setting herself up but Jack insisted. He told her he didn't care. He wanted to celebrate his daughter so she reluctantly agreed to it. It took her father, Michelle's dad, Richard and about eight or nine other men to lift her in the chair. She closed her eyes, hoping people would be nice, hoping no one would drop her but the hope was quickly dashed. Over the music, she could hear the mooing. Nancy, Sharon and Mindy were mooing and when Mindy nudged Rachel, Rachel mooed as well Then came the chanting. She had never felt so big in her life.

"Drop the cow," Nancy screamed.

Monica looked down, her eyes widening. She looked straight at her dad.

"Ignore them, Harmonica" Jack whispered.

"Daddy, make them stop," she whispered.

"Ignore them. This is your night," Jack whispered back.

"I'm too fat," Monica said.

"You're too light," Richard whispered.

"Drop the cow," Mindy screamed.

Monica's eyes filled with tears while she stared at the girls screaming at her. Rachel stood silently, saying nothing. Rachel's parents were there so perhaps that's why she was quiet. She looked at Jack again, tears streaming down her face. She couldn't hear anything else. She couldn't hear the music or anyone saying anything. There were people, but all she could hear were the taunts. All her planning, everything and she hadn't planned for this. Jack, Richard and the other men lifting her chair eventually put her back down and Monica stood up and ran, pushing through the crowd of people and raced outside where she began sobbing. She had not wanted them there. She had not wanted those girls to ruin her day. Soon she felt two people sitting on either side of her. She looked up and saw both of her parents with looks she wasn't sure she had seen before, concern.

"Girls can be very mean," Judy said as she put her arm around Monica said, kissing the top of their head.

"I didn't wanna 'em here but Rachel made me invite them. I hate them. They're so mean," Monica cried.

"I know," Judy planted a kiss on Monica's head.

"It's my Bat Mitzvah. It's my party. You can't be mean to me at my party," Monica said.

"And you planned this party," Judy said.

"I know, I'm impressed. Our Little Harmonica is a party planner," Jack said.

"She wouldn't let me help at all," Judy said.

"'Cause...cause I'm good at it," Monica said, grinning a little.

"You are and ignore those girls...you have fun. This is your night," Judy said. Monica nodded Rachel walked outside, looking timid as she stood there in the dark staring at Monica.

"Mr. and Mrs. Geller? Can I talk to Monica?" Rachel asked.

Jack and Judy nodded as they hugged Monica before getting up and walking back into the party hall. Monica still sat, staring at Rachel. Rachel walked towards Monica and sat next to her.

"I...you're my best friend, Monica and I'm sorry I'm mean to you. It's not me. I just...I...I wanna be popular because if you're popular people remember you for good things. I..."

"I agree with that boy," Monica said, ignoring Rachel.

"Which boy?"

"The boy who put peanut butter in your bed. You deserved it."

"How do you know?" Rachel asked.

"I'm sure you did something mean."

"Monica...I wanna...I'm not mean. I'm not. I wasn't mean to that loser-"

"How do you know he's a loser?"

"Because who does that? Monica, I'm not mean. I'm really not a bad person...I'm...I'm..."

Rachel looked at her hands as Monica raised an eyebrow and looked at her. She seemed on the verge of tears which Monica almost felt bad about. Monica was about to reply when Nancy, Mindy and Sharon stomped outside. Rachel immediately gasped as she stood up.

"What are you doing with the cow?" Nancy asked.

"Nothing," Rachel said as she walked to Nancy, Mindy and Sharon who were all glaring at Monica. Monica could feel her heart drop again. They were alone outside. Who knows what they would say? "But..." Rachel began, "maybe 'cause it's Monica's Bat Mitzvah, we should not make fun of her. Give her a night off?"

Monica was taken aback by Rachel actually standing up for her. She also noticed something else about her friend, Rachel was shaking. Physically shaking. It wasn't cold out. Quite the opposite. It was actually unusually warm yet Rachel seemed to be shivering. Was Rachel scared? It almost seemed like it. Sharon, Mindy and Nancy didn't answer, just letting out annoyed sighs and walking back in. Rachel gave Monica a sad smile and ran back into the party, leaving Monica alone. She stared out into the darkness of the night. Her night, yet she couldn't stop worrying. Ellie, Laurie and Michelle soon joined her outside coaxed her into coming back in.

"Oh G-d...it's Shaft and Rat Face," Ellie murmured.

Monica looked to where Ellie was pointing and out on the dance floor, Ross and Rachel were dancing together, hands on each others shoulders and standing with about six inches of space between them. It seemed so strange. Mindy, Sharon and Nancy were snickering about it in the corner, pointing.

"You know, I never noticed this but your brother and Rachel look kind of cute together," Michelle said.

"Ewww," Monica said.

"Rat Face would never date Shaft. I bet she lost a bet," Ellie said.

Monica watched them continue to dance together. Rachel's back was to Mindy, Nancy and Sharon. Rachel was laughing. Ross was beaming. She actually seemed happy but then the music stopped and Rachel stepped back, looked disgusted as she turned back towards Mindy, Sharon and Nancy and began walking towards them, making all these overdramatic gestures. Ross was still smiling. He walked towards Will, still beaming. Monica knew she would have to check in with Rachel later about this or her brother.

The rest of the Bat Mitzvah seemed to go as Monica had planned and it was followed by a sleepover with Michelle, Ellie and Laurie. Rachel had told Monica she could not spend the night because Nancy invited her to sleep at her house. So that night after all the presents had been opened, Monica sat with her friends and Ross and his friend, Will where they watched movies and ate snacks. Monica so desperately wanted to ask about that dance with Rachel, but Ellie beat her to the punch.

"So you and Rat Face? You two were dancing up storm tonight. What's up with that, Shaft?" Ellie asked.

"Nothing, nothing is up with that...I think she felt bad about being mean to you, Monica and danced with me," Ross said.

"I think she lost a bet," Laurie said.

"She didn't lose a bet," Ross said.

"Do you like Rat Face? Oh, if they got married, they'd have Shafty Rat Face babies," Ellie said.

"Do you like Rat Face?" Will asked.

"I don't like Rat Face...I mean, Rachel. I am not calling her that," Ross argued, his face getting red.

"You like her," Monica said.

"I do not like her, Monicow," Ross said.

"Bite me, Shaft," Monica shot back. Ross glared at her while they continued to watch the movie. It had been a good Bat Mitzvah, despite the taunts from Nancy, Sharon and Mindy. She had planned it well and on the Monday morning after the Bat Mitzvah, another strange thing happened. Rachel approached her by her locker and said hello to her, in public.

"Are you supposed to be speaking with me in a public place?" Monica asked.

"I talked with Nancy, Mindy and Sharon after your Bat Mitzvah. I said that you're my secret best friend and that even though I'm still gonna eat lunch with them, I'm not gonna be mean to you in public. I felt bad and I got in trouble with my mom and dad. I'm sorry, Monica. I still wanna hang out. It's just...well..."

"It's fine, Rachel. You danced with my brother, though."

"Nancy dared me. Ross asked and Nancy said she'd give me twenty bucks if I did."

"Oh," Monica said, feeling a bit sad for her brother.

"I felt bad because he had been mugged."

"Okay," Monica said when Mindy yelled out Rachel's name from down the hall. Rachel turned to look at Mindy and immediately ran off. Monica knew she shouldn't feel bad. Rachel was horrible to her. Mean in public and making all these rules for their friendship but for some reason, she felt sorry for Rachel and she made a secret pact to herself that no matter what Rachel did, she would always be her friend.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry it's taken so long for an update! I've been really busy lately and honestly, I needed a break after the Chandler story! It was way too long!

October 1984

"It's just...why hasn't he called?"

Monica let out a snort as she held the phone up to her ear and grabbed a box of cookies from the pantry. She was sitting cross legged in the pantry, snaking on Oreos listening to Rachel talk about this really cute guy at school. Chip Matthews. They had started Lincoln High a month earlier and already the divide between Rachel and Monica was apparent. Their friendship was even more secret as Rachel was popular and Monica simply was not. She was still friends with Ellie and Laurie which she was forever thankful for. She had at least two friends at high school, two friends who would sit with her even when Rachel would not acknowledge her except when they were talking on the phone or during their pantry sessions.

"I don't know Rach. Why don't you ask him out?"

"I am not that pathetic."

There was a fall formal coming up. Rachel was obsessed with Chip Matthews, so badly wanting and waiting for him to ask her out to this big dance. Monica didn't care too much. She would be going with Ellie and Laurie and neither one of them had been asked out. Monica did what she did best though, listened. She listened and listened to Rachel complain about Chip until the box of cookies was empty. She did sometimes wish she lived in Rachel's world where everything was so fantastic and wonderful all the time. Rachel never had problems, never had issues. At least none that she could think of, maybe one day she'd get that life. A life with a guy who wanted her, wanted to be near her always but she wasn't sure. It didn't seem like any guy was that interested in even looking at her.

"No guy asked me."

"Well, yeah...okay, but Monica..."

"Why don't you come with Ellie, Laurie and I?"

"Ugh."

"Well, okay...you can ditch us when you get there and no one has to know you came with us," Monica said, licking the frosting off one of the Oreos before popping it in her mouth.

"Well, yeah."

Monica let out a snort and shook her head. Her friendship with Rachel was still very much hidden, very much in the shadows. She had stopped wondering if Rachel and her would ever be public friends, she knew better than to expect that.

"Oh, G-d...it's just...wait, oh call waiting," Rachel said and suddenly switched over without even saying goodbye. Monica waited, phone cradled to her ear and staring off into space, zoning, eating cookie after cookie. She waited until the box was empty, waited until she had polished off another box of Oreos and looked at her watch. Rachel had left her on hold for forty five minutes. That must be a record, Monica thought to herself. She hung up and scrambled to her feet, brushing the crumbs off her and walking out of the pantry. Retreating to her room, she pulled out her wedding book and grabbed a stack of magazines from under her bed. Beautiful bridal magazines. She began to cut out pictures. Pictures of cake and dresses and centerpieces, carefully gluing each photo into the book with such precision. Something about dances made her dream of that one day. She would be married before thirty and have four kids. She had decided that long ago. She wondered what her kids would look like, what would her husband look like? She recalled her weird dream from the night before. It was her wedding day and she stood, staring at a boy. He was handsome, brown hair, blue eyes and pale skin. The way he looked at her, held her in his gaze took her breath away. She woke up with a strange feeling, a feeling that she had met the boy in her dream before. He had looked so familiar but she couldn't recall meeting him. It was just a bizarre dream although the idea that it was her wedding was wonderful.

Ellie had called her first. That's how she had heard about the robbery at Olivia's. Rachel had been working and someone had come in and completely cleaned out the store. Laurie called soon after and told her the same thing. Monica called Rachel as soon after she hung up the phone with Laurie. Her heart pounded as she dialed the number and Rachel's dad answered. Her father sounded angry which was nothing new. He always sounded angry but he screamed at Rachel and told her she had five minutes.

"It got robbed. Olivia's got robbed," Rachel said between sobs.

"Oh my G-d."

"I'm in so much trouble and I can't go to the dance. I'm grounded."

"I'm sorry."

"Rachel, get off the phone!" Rachel's father screamed.

"It hasn't been five minutes!" Rachel yelled back.

"Get off the goddamned phone!"

Monica could hear the yelling. The screaming and her heart broke for her friend. She wanted so badly to protect her. Even with all of Rachel's faults, all the horrible things Rachel had said, there was still that girl. That scared girl that confided in Monica and told her things in the quietness of the Geller pantry. Rachel had told her once that she never told Mindy or Nancy the stuff she told Monica. It was Monica's badge of honor. The phone soon clicked and Monica stared at the receiver letting out a loud, pained sigh.

"What was that about?"

Monica jumped and turned to see Ross staring at her. She wondered if he heard the conversation, heard the yelling.

"It was Rachel. She got grounded. Olivia's was robbed."

"What?"

"Yeah. While she was working there, it was robbed. She was alone and thief or thieves took off with a lot of stuff."

"Oh. Oh...does-does she need me?" Ross asked, looking at Monica. He looked so concerned that it threw Monica for a loop as the corner of her mouth slowly turned up.

"No. No, she's-she's grounded."

"Yeah, but that's terrifying. I mean, I was-I was mugged...I know how scary...what if what was the same person? The person who mugged me, robbed Rachel?"

"Why would a big burly dude want clothes for girls?"

"What?" Ross asked, sounding confused.

"Big burly dude? You said a big burly dude mugged you? Why would a big, burly dude rob a store that sells clothes for girls? No money was taken. Only clothes."

"Oh, yeah...yeah, well maybe he has a daughter."

"Uh-huh. Okay, Ross were you mugged by a girl."

"No, I wasn't but I should go talk to Rachel. She needs...me...a friend."

"At school, she keeps calling you dumb ass."

"It's 'cause...it's 'cause we're friends."

"Ahhhh."

Ross seemed so nervous standing there, twirling a thread through his fingers. Monica kept staring at him. He could barely look at her. Ever since they had begun Lincoln High, Monica had noticed something about her brother. Every single time Rachel was near, he seemed even nerdier that normal.

"Ross?"

"What?"

"Do you like Rachel?"

"No."

"Ross."

"I don't."

"Okay...you know, she'd never go for a guy like you."

"You don't know. Well, it doesn't matter. I don't like her like that."

"Uh huh."

Ross let out a huff as he stormed off towards the kitchen. She smiled to herself, her brother liked Rachel. She knew it. Every part of her knew it. She walked towards the kitchen and saw Ross on the phone. She heard him asking Rachel if she was okay before turning to walk back towards her own room. What if Ross and Rachel ended up together? That thought flashed in her head, but she immediately thought better of it. Rachel would need to change a lot for that to happen and she couldn't see anything that would make that happen.

News of the robbery at Olivia's spread like wildfire. Everyone was talking about it. Everyone was comforting Rachel as she cried in the cafeteria about how scary the robbery had been and what had been a simple story of someone shoplifting lots of clothes soon turned into what could only be described as the plot to a movie. Rachel had been held at gunpoint. She had be bound and gagged. She had been pistol whipped. She fought back against her attackers. She had kicked, bit, punched. By the end of the school day, the story took on a life of it's own and Rachel had gone from the victim of a shoplifter to a butt kicking bad ass which made her even more popular much to the dismay of Ellie, Laurie and even Monica.

"She was a victim of a shoplifter," Monica said as she took a big spoonful of her ice cream as she sat with Ellie and Laurie in the Scoops, an ice shop near school. It was the hang out of Lincoln High School students. "She wasn't in some John Wayne action movie."

"And she's even more popular," Ellie said, groaning.

"She really does suck. Even bad things that happen to her make her more popular," Laurie said.

"Although, you know, girls like that peak in high school. She's gonna end up like in some dead end job still living off daddy's money," Ellie mused.

"We can only dream," Laurie said.

"Hello, losers," Nancy said, marching towards them with Mindy and Rachel next to her. This confused Monica. Why was Rachel there? Wasn't she grounded?

"Awww, it's the fatties," Mindy said.

"Hey, Rachel...heard someone stole some shit from your aunt's store," Ellie said.

"I was held at gun point and bound and gagged and...and...well, shut up...why don't you go stuff more ice cream in your face," Rachel said.

"You know, I know people who could actually hold you at gun point," Laurie smirked.

"Rachel, you weren't held at gun point," Monica stressed. Rachel just glared at her, a look telling her to stop.

"I was. I was...it was so scary," Rachel said.

"I wonder if you got robbed by the same guy who mugged Ross," Mindy said.

"I bet I did," Rachel said.

Monica shook her head, unable to listen to anymore of the bickering her friends and Rachel and her posse. She hated it. As she gently licked the chocolate ice cream off her spoon, she thought of another secret fantasy she had. In addition to getting married, in addition to having children. She wanted all her friends to get along. She wanted Rachel to be the Rachel she knew. The sweet one. She knew the Rachel, the one no one else did and one day she wished Rachel would be the sweet girl she knew always.

The Fall Formal. The one Rachel had so badly wanted to go to but couldn't. She was home being grounded. Rachel was mad that Monica had decided to go. Rachel had felt Monica should have stayed home to show her support and she had been tempted to until Ellie pointed out how ridiculous that was. Would Rachel have stayed home if the situation was reversed? Probably not and with that thought in mind, Monica went with Ellie and Laurie. The three girls dressed up, did their hair and went together to the Fall Formal which was held in a hotel decorated with fake leaves and red and orange streamers.

"Aren't you glad I forced you to come?" Ellie asked.

"I guess. I do feel bad for Rachel though. Even though she wasn't actually bound and gagged and held at gun point, that must have been scary."

"Um, okay...what the hell is Chip doing?" Laurie asked, pointing off to side. Monica looked to where Laurie was pointing and her mouth dropped. Nancy had Chip pinned up against a wall, they were making out. Nancy touching Chip, it was an uncomfortable image made even more uncomfortable by the reddish glow of the lights.

"Oh my G-d. That's..."

"Way to prove you're a skank," Ellie said.

"Seriously, right," Laurie said.

"That's Rachel's best friend. She treats Nancy better than she treats me. That's not fair."

"Serves Rat Face right. I can't wait to tell her," Ellie said.

"Who would win in a fight between Rat Face and Nancy, the ho?" Laurie asked.

"Hmmm, well, I think Rat Face might be scrappy inside," Ellie said.

"Girls, come on...like, I mean...no...I..I'll be right back. I gotta do something," Monica said, getting up. Ellie grabbed her arm to stop her.

"Because...yeah. okay, in public Rachel may be a complete jerk to me but...I...I can't...she's still my best friend. I'll be right back." Monica said walking off towards Nancy and Chip, her heart pounding out of her chest. She knew she shouldn't. It was social suicide, she was talking to someone higher up the social ladder than she was and she knew she'd probably be ridiculed for it, but she couldn't let Rachel get hurt like that. Rachel had been hurt enough in the last few days. She cautiously approached them and stood, frozen, waiting for a moment to but in. Chip was the first to notice her, a grin spreading across his face. Nancy turned and glared at her.

"Hey, baby you wanna join in?" Chip asked.

"Ugh, ewww, what the fuck fatty?" Nancy asked.

"I-I think it's...you know Rachel likes Chip."

"And?" Nancy asked.

"Well, I think it's unfair for you to...if Rachel finds out that you're making out with Chip then-"

"Are you gonna tell her?" Nancy asked.

"I might."

"She won't believe you," Nancy said, "and really, you've got to get over this whole you're friends with Rachel thing. She will never be your friend. Come on, Chip."

Nancy grabbed Chip's hand and stormed off. Monica felt mortified, knowing she probably should not have done that but she so badly wanted Rachel to be okay. She wanted Rachel to not be hurt. She turned and walked back towards Ellie and Laurie who were staring at her. She sat down with him.

"Finished committing social suicide?" Ellie asked.

"You can't commit social suicide if you're already dead. It's just...you two know, I've seen a different side to Rachel. A nicer side. She's in there."

"Mon, stop fighting for her. She's not worth it," Laurie said.

Monica nodded as she stared out on to the dance floor at her classmates dancing around. Her brother had decided not to go to the formal either, saying he had other plans but he never mentioned what they were.

When she arrived home that night, she was shocked to see Ross and Rachel sitting side by side on the couch. They were watching a movie and were in deep conversation as Monica approached them.

"Hey," Monica said which caused both Ross and Rachel to jump and look towards her. What was Rachel doing here?

"Hi, Mon. I...I...well, Ross invited me over to watch a movie and my parents gave me a reprieve for the night and said I could sleep here. I hope that's okay."

"That's fine," Monica said, flashing Ross a look.

"How was the dance?" Monica asked.

"Did you see Chip?" Rachel asked.

Monica opened her mouth and closed it again, looking over at Ross whose face fell at the mention of Chip's name. This was all confusing to her. She needed more details. Ross suddenly got up and walked towards the television, shutting it off.

"You know, I'm gonna go to bed. I'll-I'll see you in the morning," Ross said, quickly before rushing out of the room without even looking at Rachel or Monica. Monica had contemplated running after him but had so much she wanted to say to Rachel.

"Pantry session?" Rachel asked, getting up. Monica nodded and followed Rachel into the kitchen. She was very glad that Ellie and Laurie couldn't spend the night that night. Her mind was overflowing with stuff. Stuff she needed answers to. The two girls grabbed a box of Twinkies and sat cross legged in the pantry. The opened the box and began to share them, eating them.

"What happened?"

"I was really depressed about everything and Ross called to ask how I was and then he invited me over and I guess my parents are fine with me being here...just nowhere else and we talked...a lot."

"Do you like my brother?"

"Ewww, no. He's my friend. He's...he made me feel good."

"I'm really sorry about the robbery."

"It's okay. How was Chip?"

"He...he was occupied."

"With who? Nancy or Mindy."

"Nancy. You-how-huh?"

"Monica, come on, look...Mindy and Nancy aren't real friends. They're my public friends. You're my friend."

"The one that you can't be seen with in public?"

"Exactly. You're kind of friend that matters."

"I am?"

"Monica, yeah."

"Then why can't I be seen with you in public?"

"I have a reputation."

"Hmmm," Monica said although she wasn't quite sure she got it. Rachel didn't seem too upset about Nancy and Chip.

"I'll get Chip. He doesn't like Nancy. She's a slut."

Monica shook her head. There was still so much she did not understand about high school politics and there was a bigger part of her that was glad she didn't get it.

"And you don't like my brother?" Monica asked.

"No, no...never like that. It was just nice to have someone listen."

"'Cause if ever did go out with my brother...that be kinda cool."

"No, no...that will never happen. Ever. I'm going to marry Chip, so he can do whatever he wants...including Nancy...and at the end of the day, he will be my husband. How was the dance?"

"It was okay."

Rachel nodded and continued to talk about something. Her mind was whirling though, still thinking of the dance, of Nancy, of sitting there and watching everything, of her brother and Rachel. It was all just so strange and all so fleeting because she knew that as soon as the night ended, as soon as school began everything would be as it was. Rachel would go back to mean to Monica in public or just ignore her. She would go back to being friends with Nancy even though Nancy had hooked up with a guy she liked and she would go back to pining over Chip. She would continue to enjoy these little moments with Rachel because she knew that they would not last. That just wasn't how their friendship was meant to go.


	6. Chapter 6

**October 1986**

As Monica entered junior year of high school, she noticed something strange happening with Rachel. Rachel began wearing looser clothing, a far cry from the tight tops and spandex bottoms she was more known for wearing. Rachel began to wear sweatshirts and sweatpants and seemed sad although she wasn't sure what Rachel was so upset about. She had gotten everything she had wanted. Rachel was dating Chip, the most popular guy in school. She was head of the cheerleading squad. It was Rachel's world, so why was she so upset? There were rumors why she might be upset. Rumors that Monica wasn't sure she should believe.

"I heard she's pregnant," Laurie said over ice cream at Scoops one day. Monica shook her head. That seemed ridiculous. No, her friend could not be pregnant.

"No, no...Rachel would not give her flower away like that," Monica said. She had taken to calling virginity, a "flower". She had felt that it meant something precious, something beautiful and wonderful. Everyone else seemed to disagree with this assessment.

"Can you please stop calling it that. It's weird," Laurie said.

"It is not. It's symbolic," Monica said.

"It's stupid," Laurie said.

"I heard...she's a hermaphrodite," Ellie grinned, taking a big bite of her banana split. Laurie and Monica stared at her.

"What?" Laurie asked.

"Will told me," Ellie said.

"Will hates Rachel," Monica said.

"Most people do but I heard that she's got a tiny little penis," Ellie said.

"She does not," Monica said.

"Maybe the next time you have one of those pantry chats, she can show you," Laurie said.

"Ewww, no. I don't wanna see that. That's gross," Monica said.

"I heard she calls it Tootsie, 'cause it looks like a Tootsie Roll," Ellie said.

"I wondered if she impregnated herself," Laurie mused and Monica cringed a little, finding the whole conversation rather repulsive. She was going to say more when Will walked over to them, carrying a banana split of his own. Will was one of Ross' best friends, but he was currently Laurie's boyfriend so he stuck with their trio a lot.

What were you girls talking about?" Will asked.

"Rachel's penis," Laurie said.

"She does not have a penis. She is not a hermaphrodite," Monica argued.

"She is," Will stressed.

"I've heard she's pregnant too," Ellie said.

"A pregnant hermaphrodite," Will mused.

"Guys, come on," Monica said. She knew Rachel, Nancy and Mindy probably spent a lot of time making fun of them, but she never felt comfortable making fun of Rachel.

"Oh, look...the pregnant hermaphrodite is coming our way," Ellie pointed and sure enough Rachel was walking towards them. Monica took her in. Rachel's face did seem a little puffier and she looked so sad in her oversized sweater and sweatpants. She kept folding her arms as she walked towards Monica, was Rachel hiding something?

"Hey, Mon," Rachel said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Hi, Rachel. You alright?" Monica asked.

"Are you eating for two?" Ellie asked.

"What?" Rachel asked, suddenly standing up a little straighter. Monica noticed as Rachel's eyes darted wildly around the table.

"Two genitalia?" Will asked, grinning.

"Sounds like a band," Laurie said.

"Monica, are you gonna be around later?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah." Monica said.

"Good, can we talk?" Rachel asked.

"Sure. Are you alright?" Monica asked.

"Yeah. I just need to talk to you. Like in about an hour or so? I'll bring the Twinkies?" Rachel asked.

"Okay. Usual spot?"

"Yeah. Hi, Ellie, Laurie and Will. I hope it's okay if I steal Monica for a bit," Rachel said.

"Yeah, we don't like her," Ellie said.

"Hey," Monica said.

"Just joking," Ellie said.

Rachel simply nodded and walked off, although it didn't seem like walking. It almost seemed like she was dragging herself out the door. It was all just too weird.

"She is so going to tell you she's pregnant," Ellie said.

"And she'll show you her penis," Will said.

Monica didn't respond, still staring at the door. Something was going on with Rachel. Something strange. She wanted to get to the bottom of it. Rachel rarely approached Monica in public to ask for a private talk, unless it was something important.

An hour later, Monica drove her Volvo station wagon into Long Island Drive In. It was a deserted movie theater that Rachel and Monica had discovered a few months earlier. The pantry at the Geller home was becoming a tight fit and although they both declared it was because they were sixteen and too old to be sitting in pantries, the truth was that Monica's weight had started ballooning wildly out of control and the two girls could not longer fit comfortably in there.

Monica didn't mind to much. She loved driving her station wagon. Ellie, Laurie and Rachel all made fun of her constantly for wanting to drive a station wagon, but she didn't get why they would think it was so strange. A station wagon was a family car. She could drive around imagining her kids and husband, it made her think of the future. She loved her station wagon. She pulled up next to Rachel's Mercedes, which Rachel had gotten on her sixteenth birthday. She turned and looked at Rachel who appeared to be crying. Monica got out of her car and walked towards Rachel's. She knocked on the window and Rachel jumped, wiping the tears away from her face and opening the door for Monica. Monica got in and Rachel handed her a Twinkie from the box currently in her lap.

"Rach, what's her wrong?"

"Just stuff...sorry, I took you away from your friends."

"That's fine. Are you okay?"

"Um, yeah...so Will and Laurie. They seem like a cute couple."

"Yeah. They're cute."

"Have they slept together yet?" Rachel asked. That question threw Monica for a loop. That was a bizarre question.

"Rachel."

"I've heard a rumor that Laurie and Will did it in equipment closet after gym once," Rachel said.

"No. No. Laurie has not given her flower to anyone as far as I know."

"Please stop calling it that."

"It's symbolic."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is. Virginity is like a flower, a special, wonderful gift and you should only give that gift away to your husband."

Rachel shook her head and looked over at Monica, raising an eyebrow. She took a deep breath.

"Wait, you don't think girls should have sex before marriage?"

"No, of course not. You should only have sex when you're married. Have you and Chip..."

"No...well, I've..."

"Rachel, you don't want to have sex. If you got pregnant, your life would be over."

"It would be?"

"Oh, it would be destroyed."

"Yeah...oh, I hadn't even thought about that."

Rachel grabbed another Twinkie from the box and wiped a tear from her face. Monica's heart dropped to her stomach. What was Rachel not telling her?

"Rachel, are you pregnant?" Monica asked.

"No, no. I was just...thinking...I lied, I did have sex with Chip about two months ago but it hasn't happened since. I think...I think I'm gonna break up with him."

"You has sex with Chip? Rachel."

"Don't...please. Please?" Rachel asked, practically pleading with her.

"There's a rumor going around that you're pregnant."

"Just a rumor. I would tell you. I'm just upset that Chip...things are weird with Chip. So what about you? Any boyfriends?"

"No, of course not."

"Well...don't worry about it. They're not worth your time," Rachel said as took a bite of her Twinkie. She continued to stare out her windshield, Monica followed her gaze to the big white screen about twenty feet in front of them. The Long Island Drive Thru had been a popular hang out in the fifties and sixties but now, it just stood there, this lone projection screen. Off to the side, there was the rotted wood of what used to be a concession stand.

"Wouldn't it be great if life was like the movies?" Rachel asked.

"Huh?"

"Everything is always wrapped up in this happy, neat package. Happy endings. Everything ends the way it's supposed to. No surprises. Nothing shocking. Simple stories with predictable endings and...wouldn't it be great if that's how life was?"

"No. 'Cause that would be boring. The movies are great and all, but I don't know...the real world definitely does suck sometimes, but I like it."

"Monica, you drive a station wagon because it makes you think of a family you don't have yet."

"No, but I will. I don't know when. That's what makes it so amazing. I don't know when any of this will happen. I don't know what my future husband is doing right now. I hope he's thinking of me. I hope he's driving a family friendly car."

"I doubt it."

"Well...I'm planning so when it happens, I'll be excited. I don't want the movie life. I want real life. For all it sucks, I want real life."

"Real life is highly overrated."

"Seriously, Rach. What's wrong? You seem really upset?"

"I'm fine...I just...I don't feel well."

"Let's get you some soup. I know this place that makes this amazing Matzah ball soup. You'll feel better in no time."

"Yeah. Yeah, soup...that will take care of it. Soup. That's what I need. Soup."

"I'll drive. Follow me."

Monica got out of Rachel's car and hopped into her own. She started the car and began to drive off, occasionally peering in her rear view mirror to see if Rachel was following her. She noticed several times, Rachel wiping tears away from her face. In the pit of her stomach, she knew. Even Rachel didn't tell her, Monica just knew. Rachel was pregnant.

Then just like that, Rachel was seemingly back to normal. During the weekend, Rachel had vanished. Monica had tried calling her but Rachel did not return any calls and then that Monday, Rachel was back to wearing tight outfits and her depression was seemingly gone. It was all too bizarre and soon another rumor began hitting the rumor mill. Rachel Green had had an abortion.

The Homecoming Game landed on Halloween Night. She was going to go to Laurie's Halloween party after the game. She wanted to see Rachel cheer though, before she left for the party, she wanted to talk to Rachel. Confront her and see if any of the rumors were true. She climbed the bleachers with a big plastic pumpkin filled with Halloween candy and sat watching Rachel as she got ready. She knew she have gone to Laurie's to help set up but she just felt she needed to be there and after her Sweet Sixteen party last March that both Ellie and Laurie had called boring, apparently her party planning skills were not in great demand so they were fine with her going to the game first.

"Are these seats okay?" Nancy asked. Monica cringed at hearing Nancy's voice behind her. She really did not want to deal with Nancy. Although, part of her wondered what Nancy knew.

"They're fine."

She heard a male voice behind her. Did Nancy have a boyfriend?

"I bet we'd have a better view if Monicow would move," Nancy said. Monica bit her lip.

"Monicow?" The guy asked.

"The tub of lard in front of us," Nancy said.

Monica turned around and stared at Nancy. She was sitting with four boys. Her eyes locked suddenly with one of the boys. He had crystal blue eyes and was giving her this look of sympathy. She turned to look at Nancy again, trying desperately not to cry.

"The name is Monica."

"Whatever. Turn around, lard ass. Although, I have to say Monicow, I am impressed. This must be the first time you've sat on the bleachers without breaking them," Nancy said.

Monica felt so alone sitting there, wondering why none of the boys Nancy was with were standing up for her although she had a feeling they wouldn't. She turned back and took another piece of candy and popped in her mouth. She'd ignore Nancy.

"Okay, there she is. Rachel Green...she's a hermaphrodite and like I said, such a whore. She stole my boyfriend," Nancy said.

Monica let out a sigh and shook her head. Nancy was lying. Chip was never Nancy's boyfriend. Chip had always liked Rachel. Rachel's face appeared in Monica's head. It was one thing for Ellie or Laurie to make Rachel jokes, but Nancy? No, that she wouldn't stand for.

"Hey, that's my best friend," Monica said.

"No, she's not, Monicow. She's your friend because she feels bad for you and besides she likes hanging out with lard asses because it makes her nose look smaller," Nancy said.

Monica took a deep breath, willing herself not to cry, She looked over at the blue eyed boy again. He looked strangely familiar but she could not tell from where. He looked like he wanted to say something but his friend tapped him on the arm and pointed out towards the field and Monica took that as her cue to turn around.

It made her sad. As she watched the game, Nancy making fat jokes at Monica's expense but she refused to turn around. She was alone. She knew she was. The boys behind her did nothing. She had never seen those boys before. They were probably jocks, she thought. Jocks who didn't know what it was like to be so relentlessly made fun of. She knew her weight was ballooning. She knew it was bad, unhealthy, but she couldn't stop. Every jab, every comment was covered by chocolate and nougat. She thought of Rachel. Of Ellie. Of Laurie. Of Will. Of Ross...of the boys behind her. No one ever protected Monica. No one ever stood up for her. No one ever told the bully to stop and it upset her. Maybe when she had a husband, she thought...maybe then someone would think she was worth taking care of.

After the game, she left without looking back at Nancy. She walked off in search of Ross. She needed to talk to her brother. Soon, she found him. He was dressed in his band uniform and playing his keytar. Something had begun happening after Monica turned sixteen, she and Ross were actually becoming close. She was actually going to miss her brother when he went away to college next year, something she never expected.

"Hey," she said as she approached him.

"Hey...Monica, I'm thinking that tonight at Laurie's Halloween party, I'm gonna play this song I wrote. Okay, you wanna hear-"

"No."

"Monica."

"I just spent the entire game getting harassed by Nancy."

"Don't listen to her."

"How can I not? And she kept on and on about Rachel being hermaphrodite and-"

"Rachel's a hermaphrodite?"

"Yeah, how did that rumor start?"

"Haven't a clue," Ross said, sounding a little nervous.

Monica smiled and let out a pained sigh as Ross put his arm around her, hugging her. She gave him a weak smile as they began to walk off. As they got closer to the bleachers, the blue eyed boy that had been sitting near Nancy stormed up to them. He looked furious.

"Hey, hi...um, I'm...Richard Brooks."

"Oh, hey, Richard. I'm Ross."

"I'm Monica. You were sitting behind me. Did you like the game?" Monica asked, a little confused. She could have sworn his name was something else. Chandler, that's what his friends had called him and with him standing in front of her, she was struck again by how familiar he looked.

"Yes," the boy said, sounding impatient..

"You look really familiar, have we met?" Monica asked.

"Probably not." the boy said.

"But...how come your friend called you Chandler if your name is Richard?" Monica asked.

"It's an inside joke. Look...I'm friend of Rachel Green's and she asked me to grab something from her car and I'm a total idiot, I completely forgot what car she drives. Do you know?" The boy asked. He seemed rather blunt. Monica really didn't like how he sounded. He sounded mean, but then again he sat with Nancy so he probably was mean.

"Yes, yes...it's a black Mercedes Benz 300. She's spot number 16 in the lot. Do you want me to take you?" Ross asked.

"No, no. That's fine, thank you," the boy smiled at her and Monica's heart skipped a beat. He had a very cute smile. Too bad he was jerky.

"What do you need to get from her car?" Monica asked.

"Peanut butter," the guy shot back.

"Peanut butter? I love peanut butter but Rachel doesn't like peanut butter. She said something happened at camp once and she didn't like it anymore after," Monica said, recalling the story Rachel had told her once about the boy who put peanut butter in her bed at camp and for a brief moment, Monica wondered if this was the same boy? No, that would seem too coincidental.

"Did she now? Huh, well...it seems she suddenly developed a taste for it. Thank you, Monica and Ross and G-d bless you both," The guy said, smiling wildly before turning away and walking towards some boys sitting on the bleachers. One of whom was holding his nose in pain. .

"Who was that guy?" Ross asked.

"A friend of Nancy's? He seems like a jerk."

"Maybe I shouldn't have said where her car was?" Ross asked.

"Why not? He probably needed to get something out of her car."

"Peanut butter?"

"Maybe he was just being a jerk."

"Hmmm."

"Let's go to the party. I wanna be around friends."

"Me too."

Monica and Ross turned and walked off towards the parking lot. As they walked onto the lot, they noticed a bright, cherry red Corvette sitting in the lot.

"Nice car," Ross said.

"I wonder who it belongs to?"

"I wish it belonged to me."

Monica laughed as she got into the Volvo, Ross got into the passenger's side. As Monica turned to head out of the parking lot, she noticed the boys that were hanging out with the boy that asked them about Rachel car, walking towards the Corvette. Go figure, she thought to herself. They were spoiled rich boys, entitled boys. They probably never had to struggle with anything, that's why they had been such jerks.

The Halloween party had been amazing. Monica loved hanging out with Ellie and Laurie and it made her completely forget about Rachel. She ate candy, drank punch and she felt like herself. She was happy. That happiness was short lived however when the next morning at around seven am, she got a hysterical phone call from Rachel. Rachel's car had been vandalized. She needed help, so Monica woke Ross up and the two headed to the Lincoln High parking lot to see Rachel standing next to her car in hysterics. Someone had covered her car with peanut butter and whipped cream and had written the word, "COYOTE" on the windshield.

"Rachel, what happened?" Monica asked. Rachel could barely breathe.

"I came back last night and this lunatic put peanut butter on my car and I couldn't drive it home and the put mayo on Nancy's and I came back here this morning and...and I'm-"

"What does coyote mean?" Ross asked.

"I don't know, but it whomever did it is a sick fuck. You hear me, you sick, sick, bastard. I fucking hate you," Rachel screamed, shaking. It was almost a little scary.

"You know, Rach...it's not that big of deal. All we need to do is wash it," Monica said.

"No, you don't get it. I don't need this now. I don't...I don't and then...last night was awful. I had to punch a guy in face because asked if I had penis and-and-then-" Rachel could not stop crying. Ross immediately moved forward to comfort her when it hit Monica. The guy who asked where Rachel's car was? That guy? The Corvette? No...could it be?

"That guy," Monica said.

"What guy?" Ross asked.

"The guy who asked where Rachel's car was yesterday. What was his name?" Monica asked.

"There was a guy?" Rachel asked.

"Richard. That was his name," Ross asked.

"No, no...I don't think that was his real name. I think was something else. Something weird."

"Chandler," Rachel mumbled.

"Yeah, he sat behind me at the game. I think he's friends with Nancy. Maybe Nancy set this up?" Monica asked.

"No. No, I doubt it."

"Did you know the guy? Chandler? He asked where your car was?" Ross asked.

"No, I went to camp with a guy named Chandler once but he died," Rachel said.

"How?" Monica asked.

"Someone killed him."

"Who?" Ross asked, his eyes growing wide, but there was something in Rachel's demeanor that was throwing Monica for a loop. Rachel was oddly upset about this and the tone in her voice was almost creepy. Rachel shrugged as she wiped the tears away from her face. She looked at her car and started to cry again.

"Maybe he got up the ass from a rabid coyote," Rachel said.

"Rachel, we'll clean it off," Monica said.

"Not the point. I...it's.."

"Come on, let's get your car clean," Ross said as he let go of Rachel. Monica walked back to her car and opened it, getting all the car cleaners out of her car. Ross walked toward her to help her. As they pulled stuff out, they looked over at Rachel who was staring at COYOTE written on her windshield. She looked distraught.

"Do you think it was that guy?" Ross asked.

"I do. His name was not Richard, it was Chandler and I bet it was the same guy who put peanut butter in her bed at camp."

"What an ass."

"Yeah. Let's just clean the car," Monica said as she walked towards the car with Ross and three of them spent the next several hours cleaning off Rachel's car. Rachel was crying the entire time. Monica thought of that blue eyed boy behind her, Chandler and she hoped that would be the last she'd ever see of him. He seemed like an asshole and she also hoped that with the cleaning of Rachel's car that she would now be happy, finally happy.


	7. Chapter 7

February 1987

Rachel refused to talk about what happened before the holidays. Refused to discuss whether or not she had pregnant, refused to talk about a her car, refused to acknowledge any of it. It was as if the last half of 1986 did not exist in Rachel's mind. Monica had tried to talk to her about it but had given up. Rachel was back to her old, only nice to Monica in private or away from people who might judge her self, although Monica was quite surprised when Rachel agreed to go with her to volunteer in a soup kitchen in the city. When 1987 began, Monica had decided she wanted to volunteer. She wanted to help people and she was ecstatic when she got the opportunity to help feed the homeless at a soup kitchen. After about a month of volunteering, she had even decided to make it fancy and was so happy when the owners of the soup kitchen let her do it. She made filet mingnon and macaroni and cheese and potatoes and sausage. She felt that even though they were homeless, it didn't mean they couldn't eat nice. It was an unseasonably warm February, there was no air conditioning in the building but Monica didn't care. She happily served each person. Same couldn't be said for Rachel who stood, picking at her nails through latex gloves.

"It is so hot in here. Why doesn't someone turn on the air? It would probably help clear out the smell," Rachel whined.

"Rachel," Monica said as she spooned a helping of mashed potatoes on to a plate.

"What? It's called deodorant...or a shower," Rachel said.

"They're homeless," Monica said through gritted teeth.

"Whatever," Rachel said rolling her eyes.

"Why are you here?" Monica asked.

"Same reason you are, it'll look awesome on a college app."

"That's not why I'm here."

"Oh, it's why I'm here."

Monica shook her head as she continued to serve. Rachel could be obnoxious, she didn't care. She loved doing what she was doing. She had cooked all this food and was helping, she was providing care for others. Something so incredible about it. She didn't feel sad from being bullyed, she could forget about her weight, mean girls, everything. It felt cheesy but helping made her feel almost whole. She liked taking care of people.

She noticed the girl with the Lincoln High sweatshirt immediately. She was tall with long stringy blonde hair. She was standing and talking with a girl and two men. One of the men looked older and Monica wondered if that was her dad. Monica felt sad immediately looking at this girl There were homeless girls at Lincoln High, at her high school? Although she had never seen this girl at Lincoln High? Maybe she dropped out? That seemed horrible. The girl seemed about her age and she was homeless? Monica almost felt an urge to take her home immediately.

"Oh my G-d, Lincoln High?"

The blonde who had been staring at her tray jerked her head up and stared at her. Monica was grinning from ear to ear. She would have to find out more from the girl.

"Uhhhh..." the blonde said.

"Rachel, she went to Lincoln High," Monica said, looking at Rachel who was still engrossed in her latex gloves.

"Yeah, cool," Rachel said, letting out a sigh.

"When did you graduate?" Monica asked, thinking she'd have to go find a yearbook to see if she could look her up.

"I-uh...I didn't...this is my um...dad's," the blonde said, reaching for the arm of the older gentleman behind her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and smiled.

"That's my girl," the man said, which disappointed Monica slightly. She wasn't sure how many yearbooks there were in the library or how far back they went.

"Oh...well, okay...well, what would you like?" Monica asked

"Uh, does any of this food have meat in it?" The blonde asked which caused a loud, annoyed grunt from Rachel.

"Um...beggars can't be choosers," Rachel said. Monica's eyes widened as she glared at her. She really wished Laurie or Ellie had come with her. Rachel was horrible to this poor girl. Monica had purposely made vegetarian items so that there could be choices.

"Rachel. Forget my friend. These dishes right here do not have meat. I made them myself. macaroni and cheese, potatoes au gratin and potatoes with peas and onions...and these are the meat things...sausage and smoked salmon and oh, filet mignon," Monica said.

"Mon, why did you make that?" Rachel asked.

"'Cause Rachel just 'cause you're homeless doesn't mean you can't eat fancy," Monica said, trying very hard to hide her annoyance with Rachel. Instead she focused on giving food to the blonde and her friends. She waited until the blonde and her friends were out of earshot before turning to Rachel to express her feelings.

"Was that necessary?"

"They're homeless, what the fuck do they care what they eat? They should just be grateful they're getting fed," Rachel said.

"Go wait in my car if this is how you're gonna act. This is important to me," Monica said.

"Oh, no...no, not a chance in hell am I gonna wait your car. In this neighborhood, gross. Ugh. Never been so happy to ride in a Volvo. At least I know you we won't get murdered."

"Rach...come on," Monica said but was distracted by more people walking towards them in need of food, so Monica put Rachel's attitude out of her mind and continue to dish out food she made. Everyone seemed to love what she was making and people were complimenting her. It made her feel good. As she was spooning an extra large helping of mac and cheese to little boy, she heard a sound, a laughing sound. Monica looked up and noticed the blonde sitting with her friends. The blonde was laughing, this weird, other wordly sounding laugh that seemed to start from her nose and just sounded so bizarre. Monica looked over at Rachel and for a moment, a smile flashed across Rachel's face. Monica had never heard a laugh quite like that and she neither had Rachel.

"Wow," Monica said.

"Yeah, I know," Rachel said.

After all the food had been served, Monica, as well as the other servers, decided to mingle. Rachel had wanted to go home but Monica refused so Rachel tagged along. Monica walked towards the blonde and plopped herself down. Rachel sat beside her and began picking at her nails again and soon grabbed her compact mirror out of her pocket and began playing with her hair. Monica ignored her.

"Hi, I'm Monica and this is Rachel. We're juniors at Lincoln High. You went to Lincoln High?"

"Uh, yeah..." the older guy said, "A long time...back in...well, I don't wanna age me."

"Oh, ewww...what is wrong with you? Why are you talking to your hand?" Rachel asked glaring at a skinny man who was indeed talking to his hand. Monica glared at Rachel again. She shook her head and looked back at the blonde.

"You're a gem," the blonde said which made Monica smile a little. She liked that the blonde was being mean to Rachel.

"Fine. Mon, we have to go," Rachel said, slumping down in her seat.

"You made all this food? It's really good," the blonde said which made Monica smile.

"Yeah. I volunteer here a lot and I thought it would be a nice change of pace to make fancier food and...yeah, so I cooked stuff," Monica grinned.

"Thank you...you seem very sweet," the blonde replied.

"Thanks," Monica said.

"Uh, G-d...we have to go. We have to be back in Long Island in an hour. If we don't show up to Serena Waldorf's party tonight, she is so going to hook up with Chip. That will ruin me," Rachel said.

"Never mind her. She's just upset because Chip like to sleep with other girls when Rachel's not there," Monica said, shaking her head. Serena was new at Lincoln High. She was an exotic girl who had been away at a boarding school the first semester of junior year and had returned for second semester. Rachel hated her immediately but when she heard Serena was having a party, she had to go if only to protect Chip.

"Monica," Rachel said.

"What?" Monica asked, glaring at her. She was sick of Rachel. She wanted to talk to this girl with the most amazing sounding laugh she had ever heard. She learned that the girl's name was Regina Filange. Regina seemed amazing and her friends seemed even cooler. They told the most amazing stories and Monica did not want to leave, but soon she had to. She had to say goodbye and it made her feel sad. She wanted to know where Regina was going, she went as far as to invite Regina and her friends to the party which Rachel practically had a fit about. So they parted ways and Monica secretly hoped that maybe one day she would run into Regina again.

Driving back to Long Island, Monica could not stop talking about Regina and her friends. How happy Regina was, despite having nothing. She was inspirational and that laugh, G-d, that laugh. She had never heard a sound like that.

"I've never heard anyone laugh like that. I mean...it was so amazing and she was so happy and-"

"She was probably on drugs."

"Rach, come on."

"What? She was homeless. She's most likely homeless 'cause she's a drug addict and like she'll probably die of like some virus or whatever because that's what happens when you're a drug addict."

"She like our age and she was with her father."

"I doubt it. I bet it was her pimp. Look, she seems...weird and it's great they you felt all selfless and stuff...but she's a druggie. You will never see her again because drug addicts usually die and if that guy really was her father well that is just pathetic that he couldn't provide a better life for his daughter and that girl...okay fine, she has an awesome laugh but let's get real. Homelessness is something you bring on yourself. She's homeless because of an addiction or something her father is addicted to...they're just lazy."

"Wow...you're a horrible person."

"I am not. I'm being honest."

"You're honestly horrible."

"I'm not horrible. Really. I'm not. That was an amazing laugh," Rachel said.

"It was."

"I hope she doesn't die of drugs because people who laugh like that should live a long time," Rachel said, smiling a little.

"I'm not sure how to respond to that," Monica said, raising an eyebrow. Sometimes Rachel could say funny things.

"What? People who laugh like that make people happy so they should live a long time and not be addicted to drugs and die."

"Okay, then. I agree, I think," Monica said.

"Although, I don't really buy those stories. The ones she was telling us."

"Why not? You think she was lying?"

"I do."

"Why?"

"Because people who have really gone through serious stuff aren't gonna reveal themselves to stranger in a soup kitchen who is just doing this so it looks good on a college application."

"That's not why I did it Rachel."

"Yeah, well...I just wanna go to this party."

"Rachel?"

"What?"

"Last semester...were you pregnant? And did you have an abortion? A lot of people are saying you did-"

"Those people are assholes."

"You'd tell me if you did, right?"

"Of course," Rachel said.

There was a heavy silence in the car, broken only by Rachel reaching down and turning on the radio. Monica looked over at Rachel who was staring sadly out the window and Monica began wondering about something. Their friendship? They just seemed to be on different paths. The two of them. After senior year, would they continue being friends?

"Next year, it's gonna be our last year as friends, right?" Monica asked.

"What?" Rachel asked, giving her a look.

"We're seniors in high school next year and then we go to college. You're never gonna speak to me again...after we graduate?"

"You're being ridiculous."

"Am I?"

"Yes. I just want to go to this party," Rachel said, reaching for her purse and pulling out her make up bag. She flipped down the visor and opened the mirror and turned on the mirror light. She began to reapply make up as they drove the rest of the way in silence.

Monica kept thinking about Regina. Regina seemed so brave, so fearless. She could laugh in the face of all the horribleness that had gone on, regardless of whether or not she had made up the stories the truth was that Regina still was homeless. She wondered where Regina was sleeping that night and telepathically sent out messages for her to stay warm.

"Stop," Rachel said.

Monica looked confused. They were still several blocks from Serena's house, but Monica did as told and pulled over to the side of the road. Rachel grabbed her stuff and got out, looking back in at Monica.

"Sorry, hon...I can't be seen pulling up in a Volvo station wagon. Too embarrassing. I'll see you inside," Rachel said, as she slammed the door shut and walked off. Monica watched as Rachel disappeared around the corner. She shook her head and then made a three point turn and drove off in the opposite direction of Serena's house. She'd go back. She had to go back eventually. She had to pick up Rachel, but later. She kept driving. She remembered something that Regina's friend had said towards the end of their night, "off to the junkyard". Monica wondered if she could track Regina down, but what junkyard? She kept driving. She reached the soup kitchen and wondered if it was possible that it was a junkyard in the area. It had to be. They walked. It took awhile as Monica no clue where she was but she soon drove past a dark lot and stopped. She was there, Regina. One of Regina's friends lit a barrel on fire and her and her friends were standing around it to keep warm. She was laughing while someone handed her a bottle which she downed. Monica wished she could get closer but thought maybe it best she didn't. How could Regina be happy with so little? She admired that. In the face of everything awful, she was happy. Monica wanted to be like that. She wanted to be happy despite pain. She watched as one of the friends reached into his pocket and pulled out something. He put it in the fire and Monica could soon tell it was a candle. Regina smiled, leaned in and blew it out. It was her birthday. It was Regina's birthday and she was still making wishes. Monica wondered how old she was and she wished she could celebrate with her. Monica's mind was whirling staring at her and she knew she had to get back. Back to her home in Long Island. Back to that party with all the high school drama. All of it seemed so ridiculous now.

"Thank you," Monica whispered as she backed away and headed back onto the freeway to drive back to the party. Once there, she parked and walked in. Rachel was sitting on Chip's lap, drunk. The two were making out. Monica rolled her eyes as she walked in.

"Where have you been?" Will asked, walking up to her with Laurie and Ellie on either side of him. Ross was standing near Ellie.

"I was at the soup kitchen. I met the most amazing person," Monica said as her face lit up. She looked at her brother and friends and motioned for them to follow her. She walked outside towards the pool area and sat on the pool deck.

"Now where you again?" Ross asked. "I was worried and was gonna ask Rachel but then she told me to leave her alone and called me an idiot...so I left."

"And this is the woman you love?" Will asked.

"You love Rachel?" Ellie asked.

"No, I don't." Ross said.

"Awww, Ross and Rachel sitting in a tree," Ellie said.

"No, I don't-" Ross said.

"First comes love, then comes marriage...then comes the baby in the baby carriage," Laurie said.

"Why did you have to finish it? So annoying," Ellie said.

"Okay, no, I do not love Rachel. We are never going to get married and we will never have a baby...it's just...she's pretty," Ross said.

"She has a penis," Will said.

"And Ross dreams of taking off her pants and finding out," Laurie said.

"Ewww, okay, listen...can I say something? I met...okay, her name is Regina Filange and she and her friends are amazing and they are so brave and inspirational and I...I mean..." Monica said.

"Are you in love with her?" Laurie asked.

"No. But it was really cool, you know, seeing people who have nothing and yet seeing them so happy and...none of this stuff matters. It was amazing. I feel...just in awe of it."

"Wow. Deep. So now can we talk about how your brother wants to bone Rachel," Laurie said.

"Ewww, no," Monica whined.

"I do not want to bone Rachel, ever. Really. Okay...I think she's pretty, but you know, I think my mom is pretty but I don't-" Ross said.

"Please don't finish that sentence," Monica said.

"I find Rachel attractive. That is all," Ross said.

"She did have an abortion," Laurie said.

"You know what? I don't care. Rachel can just...I don't care. She...no, tonight was amazing and Ellie and Laurie...you are both coming with me next time. Rachel is not coming with me. Ever."

"Really? What did Rachel do?" Ellie asked.

"Just...well...thinking about others and saying nice things about them? That's not really her thing," Monica said. It was the nicest thing she could think of to say about Rachel at the moment. She really didn't want to say much else. She decided right then and there that no matter what she did when she was older, it would always involve helping others. It just made her feel so fantastically wonderful.

Monica was now sitting in on one of the pool chairs with Ellie and Laurie on either side of her. The three girls were sipping red wine as they did a running commentary on what was going on at the party. Ross and Will had disappeared somewhere but she wasn't too worried. She was having way too much fun.

"Wait, there's Nancy," Ellie said, "unfortunately, it doesn't seem like she's gone shopping since she was four."

"Oh, G-d. Poor thing," Monica laughed.

"Or maybe she just doesn't like to buy clothes that cover her boobs. Some girls don't like that," Laurie said.

"I just really want Nancy to get fat," Monica mused as she took a sip of her wine. "I want her to get super fat and know what it feels like to be called a cow."

"Oooo, look...Mindy. Mindy's a creep," Laurie said.

"Oh, yeah. She's obsessed with Rat Face," Ellie said. "Do you notice every time Rat Face says something, Mindy goes, 'Rachel, that's so amazing. You're so brilliant.'"

"Yes, I have noticed that. It's creepy," Monica said.

"I heard she put a Tootsie roll in her pants after she heard about Rat Face being a hermaphrodite and having a Tootsie roll sized penis," Laurie said. Monica and Ellie looked at her in stunned silence as Laurie took a sip from her cup of red wine.

"Monicow," Chip stumbled towards them, clearly wasted as he could keep his eyes open.

"Yeah, Chipper," Monica groaned.

"Rachel wants you," Chip said.

"What?" Monica asked.

"Rachel's like crying and shit upstairs and she's like, 'I wanna Monicow'...she's so totally wasted," Chip said.

"So you left her alone to get me?" Monica asked.

"Ehhh, okay...Nance," Chip yelled, walking off towards Nancy. Monica watched as he placed an arm around her and gave her a kiss. Monica rolled her eyes and got up.

"Where are you going?" Laurie asked.

"To find Rat Face...I mean, Rachel."

"Seriously? You know, you could be drunk and puking in the pool and she wouldn't help you," Ellie said.

"I know. I'll be right back," Monica said.

"She doesn't deserve your friendship," Ellie said.

"I know that too," Monica said as she let out a sigh and made her way back into the house. It did make her sad. Ellie was right. Rachel didn't deserve her friendship, but she knew Rachel was broken inside. She knew Rachel was sad and just like Regina, she wanted to fix her, fix Rachel.

She walked up the stairs and found Rachel lying on a bed, crying, holding tightly onto a pillow. She was very drunk as Monica walked towards her, gently touching her leg. Rachel sat up and stared at her.

"I'm a really, really bad person."

"No, you're not Rach."

"I am. I did something really, really bad...I am like a coyote. Like the coyote in the cartoon."

"What?"

"Nothing. I just...I did something bad."

"Rachel," Monica said.

"I wish I could've done this all different. I wish that...I'm sorry."

Monica smiled as she touched Rachel's hair and gently hugged her. She knew what Rachel was referring to, she didn't need to say anything. She knew Rachel was admitting to the abortion. She didn't think she needed to press further.

"It's okay."

"Mon, can you promise me something?"

"Anything, what?"

"Never stop being my friend. You're the only one that I have."

"That's not true...you got Nancy and Mindy and-"

"They suck. Promise?"

"I promise. Rachel, I will always be your friend. Always," Monica said and in her head, she added, 'even if you stop being mine'. Rachel smiled at her as the two girls shared a hug. It was such a complicated friendship but it seemed no matter how complicated it got, Monica could not find it in herself to ever truly hate Rachel Green. She just knew she had to stick it out, to remain her friend and hopefully one day Rachel would return the favor.


	8. Chapter 8

**November 1987**

Ross was now a freshman at NYU and Monica was now a senior at Lincoln High. She and Rachel hung out sometimes but Monica was now throwing herself further into volunteering. She still had not seen Regina at the soup kitchen, she did hope she would but Regina never came back. It didn't matter too much. She was still happy and hoping whatever Regina was doing, she was happy too. She also liked Ross being at NYU. They began to form a tight bond, a very tight friendship. Every time she would volunteer, they would meet for lunch and Ross would complain about his roommate.

"He drinks so much," Ross complained over pizza. "I have to drive his ass home practically every night."

"That sucks," Monica took a big bite of her pepperoni pizza as they sat across from each other at a pizza place near NYU.

"He's got a nice car. He drives a Corvette that he calls, Sally...I enjoy driving that but he's kind of a self indulged, self entitled prick. He has this girlfriend, Lizzie...oh my G-d, he takes advantage of this poor girl. Every single night, she's taking care of him as he's puking in the toilet."

"You think he's an alcoholic?"

"Oh, yeah. Chandler is definitely an alcoholic. But don't tell him that. Oh and he threatened to break my humidifier and whenever I tell him..." Ross makes a motion with his hands as if to tell someone to quiet down, "he flips me off."

"Okay, I told you to not bring the humidifier and the quiet hands thing is annoying...but why don't you move out?"

"'Cause with the exception of Lizzie, the guy has got no one."

"Really?" Monica asked, that hit her hard.

"Really. He thinks he's hot shit, but I don't know, the guy is broken. I feel bad for him. During Halloween, which he forced me to go to, he admitted he'd been drinking since he was nine years old and to cure his hangover the next morning, he took Vicodin."

"Oh my G-d."

"Yeah."

"He doesn't have family?"

"Not like us. For Thanksgiving, he told me he's gonna go home and spend it alone watching movies and smoking pot."

"Oh my G-d. He needs to come to our house for Thanksgiving."

"He's gonna drink."

"Then at least he can be around people who can take care of him."

"Mon," Ross said, giving her a grin as he shook his head.

"What?"

"You don't need to take care of everyone."

"You take care of him."

"He's my roommate."

"Have him come to Thanksgiving."

"He doesn't eat Thanksgiving food."

"Then I'll make him something else. Look, bring him."

"I'll ask."

Monica nodded. She was enjoying these lunches with her brother. They were fun, a nice break and she felt like such a grown up being in the city, exploring, living. She could not wait to leave Long Island. She couldn't wait for her moment to just bust out. She wanted a place in the city, she wanted to be where the action was...where the good restaurants were. It was an idea she had, one that she had started playing around with while cooking for the soup kitchen once. She wanted to be chef. She was good at cooking, she enjoyed it and everyone has to eat.

That night, Rachel and Monica were sitting in Monica's Volvo, eating Twinkies in the deserted Long Island Drive In. Monica was telling her all about Thanksgiving. Rachel was going to be there as well. Her parents had decided to go Europe as a way to put the spice back in their marriage, leaving the Green girls on their own. Monica found it ridiculous and actually a little appalling. Rachel, however, found funny.

"I mean, it's Thanksgiving so my parents decide...let's not spend it with our children, let's spend it away from them. I mean...you know, if I ever have kids-" Rachel said, taking a quick breath. It was the forbidden topic. The abortion. Rachel never confirmed it and ever since that party back in junior year, Monica never pressed, "if-if I ever have kids...I will never let them be neglected on Thanksgiving. My goodness and of course, Amy doesn't care 'cause she's twenty and is going to go to Cabo with her thirty year old boyfriend which no one finds a little odd that my sister is dating a thirty year old."

"What about Jill?" Monica asked, referring to Rachel's fourteen year old sister.

"Oh, Jill. No, no. Jill has plans. Her friend, Reese...is spending Thanksgiving in Paris with her family and invited Jill so Jill is going there. Does no one find any of this weird?"

"I kinda do."

"Oh, Mon."

"You'll spend Thanksgiving with the Geller's. My brother is coming back and he's bringing his roommate."

"Really? What's the roommates name? Is he cute?"

"I don't know. He seems like a bit of a mess. His name is Chandler," Monica said.

"Chandler?" Rachel asked and Monica noticed a sudden change come over her friend. She seemed almost upset by the name.

"Yeah. You know him?"

"Well, the guy who covered my car in peanut butter was named, Chandler."

"We don't know that for sure."

"Alright...the guy who I went to camp with, who peanut butter in my bed...Chandler."

"I'm sure it's not the same guy. It's a common name."

"Not really."

"He has no where to go on Thanksgiving and neither do you, so if it is the same person...put aside your hatred for Thanksgiving."

"I'll try. If it's the same guy...he was such a dick. So entitled and just ugh..."

Monica smiled, wanting to say something else...like perhaps Rachel was looking at herself in the mirror. She did have a suspicion that it would indeed be the same guy but she didn't want to say anything. If she said something, Rachel would have nowhere to go for Thanksgiving because she would refuse to come.

It was finally Thanksgiving and Monica had been happily cooking for everyone. She loved cooking for Thanksgiving. It was her favorite time of year. She had been told by Ross that Chandler did not eat Thanksgiving food, but she'd wait to see what he wanted. She was so busy cooking that she hardly heard the doorbell ring. It wasn't until she heard her parents yell for her that she walked out to see her parents with Ross, Chandler and Rachel. She noticed Rachel and Chandler glare at each other but her attention was directed back to her parents who were talking to Ross. Her parents kept talking about how wonderful Ross was and Monica was getting bored. She saw her out when Rachel suddenly stormed off towards the kitchen. She followed Rachel who was pacing back and forth, angrily.

"Are you okay?" Monica asked.

"Yeah, yes...I'm fine...it's just that guy."

"Is that The Chandler?" Monica asked.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Rachel said. "I have to call...I have...I'll be right back."

Monica bit her lip as she turned back to the turkey. Her heart dropped into her stomach as she knew what Rachel wasn't admitting. Chandler was the guy. She looked back towards the living room, curious about Chandler. He looked very familiar to her as well. She let out a sigh and walked back out into the living room to see Chandler standing by the bar. She watched him as he poured himself a Coke and then reached for her father's bottle of Jack Daniels and poured it into his cup. Monica raised an eyebrow as she walked toward him.

"What are you doing?" Monica asked walking over to him with a big smile on her face. Chandler jumped as he turned to look at her. He put the top back on the bottle of Jack and put it back. He took a sip of his drink

"Nothing," Chandler said.

"Are you drinking?" Monica asked.

"It's not a big deal. I-I have a condition. Don't tell your parents."

"You're not twenty one. Wow...you're like a bad boy," Monica said, cringing a little inside. She sounded like her friend Laurie.

"Sure," Chandler said.

"Maybe later I'll give you a spanking," Monica said.

"Excuse me?" Chandler asked.

Monica's eyes widened and she was quite sure her face was turning the same cranberry red as her sweater. What was she doing? Although, he did have a nice rear but spank him? Where the hell did that come from? An image appeared almost immediately in her head of Chandler laying on her lap. She shook her head. No, no. That was wrong. This guy was weird and he was drinking. Sure she drank, but not in front of parents. Adults. Although Ross said Chandler had been drinking since he was nine.

"Nothing," Monica managed to sputter out, her brain still trying to process her insane statement, "So...you don't eat Thanksgiving food? Do you want me to make you something? 'Cause I will. I'll make you macaroni and cheese. It's really good. Do you like macaroni and cheese, Chandler?"

"I do."

"Cool. I'm a senior in high school. I go to Lincoln High. Where did you go to high school?" Monica asked, she would ask questions. That was good. People liked it when they were asked things. He would forget what she said if she just kept asking questions.

"A boarding school."

"That's really cool."

Monica kept staring at him, smiling. Why was she still smiling? She was sure she looked like an idiot. Chandler wasn't even looking at her. He just kept staring at Rachel who was looking at herself in her compact. He liked Rachel, Monica thought. Of course. He liked Rachel.

"Chandler, you wanna come into the kitchen and-and you can tell me what cheeses you like," Monica said.

"Surprise me," Chandler said, barely looking at her.

"So, do you like college?" Monica asked, her heart falling into her stomach a little. She had never wanted a guy to notice her so badly. She had given up getting boys to notice her at her school but with this one...and Ross had told her that Chandler was messed up and he was responding to her in a mean way, but she really wanted him to actually speak to her, to look at her. Not Rachel.

"Yes."

"I can't wait to go to college. It'll be fun," Monica said.

He finally looked at her. His eyebrow raised. He had such pretty eyes. They were sad. He seemed sad. He took a deep breath. He looked almost concerned.

"Mon, I have to talk to you. It's so important," Rachel said. Monica rolled her eyes. Chandler was going to say something to her and Rachel ruined the moment.

"Hey, Monica...do you know how to make peanut butter cookies. Those would be amazing," Chandler said, glaring at Rachel.

"Oh, I know how but Rachel hates peanut butter," Monica said, feeling tense all of the sudden.

"Really. Why, Rachel? Why?" Chandler asked.

"I just do," Rachel said.

"When we were juniors, someone put peanut butter all over her car. It was so funny," Monica said, feeling a little bad calling it funny.

"Monica, it was not funny," Rachel said, before glaring at Chandler, "it was obviously the work of a severely sick and disturbed individual."

"Must have been."

"Do you two know each other?" Monica asked as it dawned on her. Chandler was definitely the guy. He had to have been the guy. The guy who put peanut butter on Rachel's car and in her bed at camp. She could almost see the tension between Rachel and Chandler. They did know each other and from what Monica could tell, despised each other.

"No, we've never met. I just can smell a loser from a mile away."

"Are you sure that's not your perfume?" Chandler asked.

"Go to hell," Rachel said.

"You first," Chandler said, taking a drink.

"Monica, come on...I need to talk to you," Rachel said, grabbing Monica's arm and pulling her off. Monica looked over at Chandler and gave him a look. Rachel kept dragging Monica off towards a couch and sat.

"I have to go."

"What?"

"I have to go. I cannot be here. Chip is gonna come over and we're gonna-"

"Rachel, you have to stay. How do you know Chandler?"

"He...he's the guy from camp. Okay, he's the one that put peanut butter in bed and on my car and he's the one...he...he is a pompous, arrogant, entitled asshole who will probably and really should die alone."

"Rachel, it's Thanksgiving. He has nowhere to go and neither do you. Put aside your hatred for him for one night. I'm sure he's not that bad and...and Ross said he's really funny and he seems...he's kinda cute."

"Yeah, if you consider Sloth from the Goonies cute. He looks like a butt."

"He does not and Ross said Chandler likes movies. He probably likes the Goonies and he looks nothing like Sloth. He's got really pretty eyes and he has a cute smile...with cute dimples and-"

"Oh my G-d. You're in love with Sloth."

"I am not. I'm just...you have to give people a chance."

"Some people aren't worth a chance."

"Rachel."

Rachel let out an annoyed sigh. Monica looked over at Chandler who was talking with Ross and drinking his Jack and Coke. Rachel shook her head and stood up.

"Fine, I will be nice to Sloth."

"Well...that's all I ask."

Monica said as Rachel walked off. Monica got up as well and walked towards the kitchen. She'd make Chandler the best macaroni and cheese ever. She'd make him happy, forget that he was feeling sad. That is exactly what she would do.

During Thanksgiving, Monica tried to talk to Chandler. She tried to ask him questions but he only gave short responses. Rachel kept shooting him death glares which Monica tried not to notice. She wanted to know about him, know why he was the way he was. She wasn't sure she had ever acted this way around a boy. She had never felt so flustered, so desperate to just look at her.

After dinner, she thought maybe she'd try again. Rachel was getting ready to leave to go to home and wait for Chip and she'd have alone time with Chandler. She walked into the kitchen, ready to talk to him. She saw him standing with Ross. They were talking about something and then came those words:

"C'mon...I don't wanna be here with your fat sister all evening," Chandler said.

They felt like daggers. She could almost hear her heart stop a beat. She turned and ran out of the kitchen and up the stairs to her room, slamming the door shut behind her. She sat on her bed and grabbed her pillow, tears began falling. She was fat, obese. She would never get any guy because of how she looked. Rachel would always get the guy and she would be fat alone. Chandler would never want her. No guy would.

"Mon?" Rachel asked, knocking on her door.

"Go away, Rachel."

Rachel opened the door and walked over to her bed. She sat next to Monica.

"What happened?" Rachel asked.

"Chandler called me fat."

"To your face?"

"No. I overheard him talking to Ross."

"He's an asshole, Monica. He is just...he's a prick."

"But Rach...I keep thinking...I've never had a boyfriend and I mean...I've never even been kissed and I liked him. Chandler. I mean, he seemed nice...maybe somewhere inside he could be nice...he seemed like...sad and I could be there-"

"Mon."

"What?"

"You don't have to fix everyone."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't. Fix yourself, first."

"What do you mean? I'm not broken," Monica said.

Rachel gave Monica a weak smile which made her feel worse. She wiped the tears away with the back of her hand as Rachel leaned in and gave her a hug before pulling back and looking at Monica with an intense look in her eye.

"I am a horrible, horrible friend to you. Why do you keep wanting to be my friend?"

"'Cause...'cause I want to...'cause..."

"'Cause you wanna fix me...and I love you so much and you are one of my favorite people and I don't have a lot of people who I can honestly call one of my best friends but fixing other people isn't gonna make you happy. Fix yourself first. Chandler is not worth fixing. He's awful and cruel and I'm pretty sure an alcoholic. Who does that? Pours themselves a Jack and Coke at their roommates parents house when they're clearly underage...you're better than him."

Monica let Rachel's words sink in. What was she talking about? She was very happy. She was always smiling. It made her feel good. Rachel had no clue. She was shallow, mean and only recently would acknowledge Monica in public.

"I have to go," Rachel said, suddenly. "I have to go have sex with Chip. He said that he will last a whole song this time."

Monica tilted her head to the side and watched Rachel got up from the bed and walked towards the door.

"Use protection," Monica said.

Rachel gave her a look and walked out the door, leaving Monica alone. In her thoughts, she could see Chandler's face in her head. She was fat. He wouldn't stay with her because she was fat. Would any guy ever stay with her for who she was? She reached under her bed and pulled out the big wedding book she had put together. The dresses, the cakes, the bands, the venues...would any of this ever come true?

She slowly got off her bed and walked into the kitchen. It was dark now, she assumed her parents had gone to sleep and maybe Ross had left. She was sure Chandler was gone. She opened the fridge and started to eat. Leftover turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, pies...the rest of Chandler's mac and cheese. She kept eating and eating as the tears ran down her face. Was Rachel right? What if she were thinner? Maybe Chandler would have talked to her and not spent the evening glaring at Rachel?

Soon she walked into her bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. She was bigger than she had ever been. Fat camp had failed and her parents had given up on pressuring her to lose weight. Maybe she'd lose it now. She's show Chandler...she'd show all those boys who ignored her. She shut the door and walked towards the toilet, leaning in, she stuck her fingers down her throat. It took a few tries but she did it, throwing it all up. She's be thin. She'd fix herself...or she'd show Rachel maybe she didn't need fixing.


	9. Chapter 9

**December 1987**

"You ready?" Monica asked as the cab pulled up in front of NYU. It was Rachel who had said she wanted to go to a college party. Monica had really wanted Ellie and Laurie to go with her but when Ross had personally called Rachel to invite her which Monica found strange because she thought her brother was into this new blonde girl named, Carol. Then Ross had called Monica and told her that he had invited Rachel and she should come to. She knew she wouldn't be able to get Laurie and Ellie to come with her if Rachel was there so she didn't ask. She also wasn't so sure she wanted to be there. She didn't want to run into Chandler again.

"This is going to be amazing. I am so going to hook up with a college guy," Rachel said.

"Don't you have a boyfriend?"

"Yeah, and...it's Chip," Rachel said as she applied her lipgloss, staring at herself in her compact.

"True," Monica said although not really understanding.

"I cannot wait for college."

"Me neither."

"Alright, I'm done, let's go," Rachel said, capping her lipgloss and giving Monica a smile.

"Do you think Chandler's gonna be there?" Monica asked. Those hurtful words still stuck in her head. She had told no one what she had done after Thanksgiving. She had decided maybe not to do that and try to lose weight through dieting and exercise. She had lost three pounds so far.

"Don't worry if you do. He's probably already passed out cold in his own vomit. Or maybe he's dead."

"Rach."

"He's a pathetic, sad asshole. You are so much better than he is. Come on. There will be hot guys there."

Monica nodded, hoping that one of those hot guys would notice her. Although she wasn't holding her breath. After paying the driver, the two began walking towards the building, her stomach n knots. Rachel was happy, thrilled to be there, talking non-stop about how she would hook up with some college guy but Monica was barely listening as they walked into the party area.

"Let's get some beer," Rachel said, pointing towards a keg and stack of red cups.

"We're not twenty-one."

"You, Ellie and Laurie drink red wine at every party we go to."

"That's a classy drink."

"Monica."

"Okay, let's get beer."

"Good, now let's drink 'till we pass out."

"That doesn't sound okay."

"Monica. Come on. Loosen up. Be Ellie...no, Laurie. Ellie's mean, sometimes."

"Wait, did you just say someone else was mean?" Monica asked, grinning slightly. Rachel seemed to get the comment and let out a snort as she grabbed Monica's hand and dragged her towards a giant keg. Rachel poured them both beer and handed a cup to Monica. They clinked their cups together and began drinking. The beer tasted rather gross but Monica kept drinking, as did Rachel and soon instead of finding guys to flirt with as had been the original plan, they found themselves engrossed in conversation on the couch, both sufficiently drunk.

"Aw-right, aw-right," Monica giggled, "tell me the truth."

"What?"

"Do you really think Nancy and Mindy and Sharon are your friends?"

"No," Rachel shook her head, wildly. "You're my only friend, Mon."

"I am."

"Yeah."

"I have more friends then you."

"I had sex. I gave my fuckin' flower away," Rachel said, "and between you and me, I want my fuckin' flower back."

Rachel took a big gulp of her beer as Monica laughed when she suddenly spotted Chandler. He looked upset as he walked towards a keg and filled his cup up.

"There he is," Monica said, her eyes widening.

"Sean Cassidy?" Rachel asked.

"No, no, no, look, Rachel," Monica said, pointing. Rachel looked to where Monica was pointing. She scrunched her face up and looked at Monica.

"Oh, ewwww...boooo, hiss. He so icky," Rachel said.

"He is icky and he probably smells like poop."

"Probably. Let's go get mean him...too...crap, I'm drunk."

"Me too."

"But okay...you wanna okay like go be like really mean to him and then blame it on the fact that we're like super drunk."

"Oh my G-d. That's best idea ever," Monica said.

"I know, right," Rachel said, nodding as she gulped down the rest of her drink. "I need more."

Monica downed the rest of her drink and looked at Rachel, "Me too."

The two girls held on to each other as they stood. They giggled as they stumbled towards the keg. Chandler was still standing there, drinking and looking around the room.

"Hey, loser," Rachel said as she filled her cup. Chandler rolled his eyes.

"What?" He asked.

"You smell like poop," Monica yelled as Rachel grabbed Monica's cup and filled it to the rim and handed it back.

"You're gonna die alone in a pile of your vomit," Rachel said.

"Mazel Tov," Monica said as she and Rachel clicked their cups together cups together and drank.

"Wow, you two are really drunk," Chandler mused.

"So are you," Rachel said.

"Not enough," Chandler said.

"You're stinky and stupid and stinky," Monica said.

"You're the worst person ever," Rachel said, "just you're a bad, bad person."

Monica looked over at Rachel. That seemed a little too mean.

"Rachel," Monica said.

"What?" Rachel asked.

"Yes, he's a bad person but we don't have to tell him that."

"Yes, we do. We have to make him aware of these things."

"I'm aware...you know, I'm gonna go call my girlfriend. Yeah, I have a girlfriend," Chandler said as he stepped away from them.

"You don't have a girlfriend," Rachel yelled. "You probably deflated her, you fucking ass."

Chandler shook his head and walked off towards a room which Monica knew was Chandler and Ross' dorm. He slammed the door shut. Monica looked at Rachel who was sipping her beer.

"Don't you think you took it too far?" Monica asked.

"No."

"I think you need to apologize to him."

"No. No."

"Rachel, we don't know him."

"You were mean to him also."

"I know but..."

"I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?"

"Leave me alone. I'll be back. I'll go talk to the asshole," Rachel said as she stumbled off towards the room. Monica watched as Rachel walked into Ross and Chandler's dorm and slammed the door shut behind her.

"Monica."

Monica turned to see her brother and Carol walking towards them. She smiled as she gave each of them a hug.

"Hey," Monica said.

"Where's Rachel?" Ross asked.

"She went to talk to Chandler, I think."

"Oh." He's probably already drunk," Ross said.

"Are you gonna stay tomorrow and watch the show?" Carol asked.

Monica smiled. Ross' band which he had begun with Chandler was having a performance at the Asian Student Union the next day and there was nothing she wanted to do less. She wasn't sure about Chandler but she was quite confident her brother had no musical ability.

"I don't think so. I'll be right back," Monica said as she walked off towards Ross and Chandler's room. She started to feel guilty herself. Maybe she was too mean to him, as well. Maybe she needed to check on Rachel? Just something told her she needed to go.

As soon as she reached the door, it opened. Chandler looked momentarily shocked to see her standing there.

"Hi, bunch munch," Monica said, although quickly felt bad. They had been mean enough to him.

"Are you mad for me something?"

"No. I've lost three pounds and you're a jerk. You're mean. You say mean things and you...you left our house during Thanksgiving and you never said thank you," Monica said.

"I'm sorry, thank you."

"And you think you're so cool and above everyone because do things like drinking and stuff...but you're not cool. Rachel thinks you're a loser," Monica said.

"I know. Look, I do appreciate it. I just...I've lead a different kind of life."

"So?"

"So...I have?"

"So what? Everyone leads different lives. What makes yours better? Or worse."

"Monica...leave me alone," Chandler said as he began to walk off. He seemed so angry and his anger made her more upset. What did he have to be so upset about? He called her fat.

"You walk away a lot, don't you?" Monica asked.

Chandler stopped, but he didn't turn to look at Monica. He just stood there. Monica's heart beat wildly as she watched him. Ross was right. He did seem broken.

"You walk away. When things get too rough, you decide to leave or drink or whatever. It's easier to cover up your feelings with food or booze...it's hard to have to deal with it. Right? You don't wanna deal with it so you cover it all up and walk away? One day, you'll have to deal with it," Monica said. He still did not look at her and instead walked off. Monica shook her head. She almost felt bad for him.

She walked into the darkened room and saw Rachel passed out on Chandler's bed. She walked over to Ross' bed and flipped on the desk lamp. She noticed Ross had tacked up a picture of Rachel in her cheerleading uniform on his board. She shook her head and reached for it, taking it down. If Rachel noticed this in the morning, she was pretty sure she'd have something to say and it wouldn't be nice. Monica stood up and walked towards Chandler's bed. She was curious about him. So curious. She opened his drawer and saw dozens of pill bottles. Did he take those? She closed the drawer and stumbled back towards Ross' bed and lay down. Why was he so angry?

The sun woke Monica up as she stretched across Ross' bed and turned to look at Rachel who was up and staring at the ceiling.

"Rach?"

"Hey," Rachel said, turning her head towards Monica.

"You alright?"

"Just have a headache. I was mean last night, wasn't I?"

"Really mean. To Chandler. I was mean too but...you know he has pill bottles in his drawer."

Rachel raised an eyebrow and reached towards Chandler's night stand, opening one of the drawers and immediately rolling her eyes.

"Of course."

"He's a drug addict," Monica said.

"Do not try to fix him."

"Yeah," Monica said although not wanting to press further as to what Rachel meant, "so what did you and Chandler talk about last night?"

"Nothing."

"Oh, it was a fun party. I'm sorry you didn't get to hook up with any college guys," Monica said.

"It's okay. I'm gonna get ready...we should probably get ready."

Rachel stood up and walked towards the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her. Monica still remained staring at the ceiling. She got up and walked towards Chandler's bed. His side of the room was covered with movie posters and pictures of musicians. She noticed one photo tacked to his wall, him and a brunette that kinda of looked like her. Probably his girlfriend, she thought. There were no pictures of family, which Monica found odd. She sat down on his bed and suddenly this overwhelming sense of sympathy washed over her. Even though he was an ass, she felt sorry for him.

They walked into the common room to see Ross and Carol curled up on the couch and Chandler standing by the door. They were in the middle of a conversation, which neither Rachel nor Monica were paying attention to.

"Hey...we're ready to go," Monica said.

"Oh, okay...alright...I guess I'll walk with you to the train," Ross said.

"No, wait...I can take you back in Sally," Chandler said.

"You would drive 'em back? It's a far drive," Ross said.

"It's fine...I don't mind. It'll give you two a chance to chat," Chandler said. "And besides I owe you for Thanksgiving."

"Alright, thanks man," Ross said.

"Let me get ready," Chandler said walking into his room. Monica and Rachel exchanged a look. His car? Chandler was going to drive them back. That was going to be awkward. Monica wondered if Chandler was going to bring up what happened the night before?

Chandler's Corvette was nice but Monica held her reaction back. She didn't want to seem too impressed. It was just a car. Of course, Rachel was far more impressed. Monica wondered if Rachel's opinion of Chandler had suddenly changed because of the Corvette. Monica got in the front seat, Rachel in back and Chandler began to drive off towards Long Island.

"Thanks for taking us," Monica said.

"No problem. Although, you don't seem impressed with my car."

"Why would I be?" Monica asked, glad that she was hiding it well.

"Your friend is."

"She's shallow," Monica said, grinning a little.

"Hey," Rachel said.

"I like this car," Chandler said.

"Good. It's not practical though. Like if you ever have kids, you can't have a car like this."

"I'm never having kids," Chandler said.

"You're not?" Monica asked, a little stunned by his response. She was also freaked out herself. Why was she talking to him like this? It felt so strange.

"No. I can't see bringing children into this world."

"Well, that's sad. I want kids. I want a family. That's the greatest thing...to have a husband and kids. You'll never be lonely. You'll always have a friend there," Monica said, smiling and thinking of the wedding book under her bed. The one thing she wanted although she wasn't sure it would ever happen to her. She was a semester away from graduating and she still had never had a boyfriend.

"Chandler?" Monica asked.

"What?"

"Are you happy?" Monica asked. What kind of question was that?

"What?" Chandler asked.

"Are you happy?"

"Sure. Are you?"

"Well, I wish I was thinner. I wish people didn't call me Monicow. But...yeah. I mean...I'm happy. I know what I want to do in my life. I'm gonna go to culinary school, then own my restaurant and then get married, have kids. My life is going to go according to my plan," Monica said. She felt like a liar and as she looked in the rear view, she saw Rachel staring at her. She looked away and continued to look out the window as the wind blew across her face.

"Well, good luck," Chandler said.

Monica closed her eyes, trying to imagine her future. Imagine driving off somewhere. She wanted to disappear, float off somewhere. She opened her eyes and looked at Chandler who was staring out the windshield. What was going on in his head? What was he thinking about? He was cute, not bad to look at and she was drawn to him. She wasn't sure why or what it was but sitting next to him felt strangely right.

###

"I mean seriously though, what the hell was that?" Rachel asked. It was now a few hours after Chandler had dropped them both off and now Monica and Rachel were sitting across from each other at Scoops. They were eating ice cream and talking or more accurately, Rachel was talking...about Chandler. Monica felt uncomfortable. Incredibly uncomfortable.

"Do you like him?" Rachel asked.

"No, no...I..."

"Monica, he is a dick."

"I know. I don't like him. Let's not talk about it. I...please."

"Alright. Okay...let's play MASH," Rachel said, pulling a piece of paper from her purse. Monica laughed. Rachel had recently become obsessed with this fortune game. She thought it was fun, Monica rolled her eyes.

"Fine. Rachel, this game is so stupid."

"It's fun. Come on, I'm bored."

"Alright, let's do it."

Rachel grinned as Monica gave the answers to the questions. Five things for each item and Rachel wrote them all down. Soon she was done and Rachel let out a sigh and bit her bottom lip.

"Alright," Rachel said, "you are going to live in a mansion."

"Nice."

"And own a dog."

"Even better."

"Drive a Volvo."

"I already drive a Volvo."

"Yes...hopefully, it'll be a new one and you'll have twenty five children."

"Wow...that would be awesome. I could have my own school and teach them all."

"Oh, G-d. You'll live in New York and your husband's name is...Chandler. Oh my G-d, you're gonna marry Chandler."

"No, you made me put his name on the list. I don't want to marry him, he called me fat," Monica argued. It had been Rachel's idea to put Chandler's name down as the list of five possible husbands. Monica gave in and let her. "You rigged that."

"I did not. Oh my G-d. When you two get married, I will bring this to your wedding."

"I'm not getting married to Chandler so save your damn list."

"I will. Yeah, you're probably right. I mean, he probably won't live long enough to see his wedding."

"Rachel. Why do you hate him so much?"

"He called you fat."

"Yeah, but...Rach, last night, you were vicious to him."

"Huh, I just...I hate people like that. Self entitled. Mean. I really didn't find that prank funny and I hope you don't marry him. You can do better. He's just..."

"He's broken, Rachel."

"I know but some people don't deserved to be fixed."

"I don't know about that. You know, let's not talk about this. Let's do yours. Maybe you'll marry my brother."

"Ewww, Mon. I will marry your brother when you marry Chandler."

"I will never marry Chandler."

"Exactly, so I will never marry your brother."

Monica smiled as Rachel handed her a piece of paper and Monica did Rachel's MASH fortune. In the back of her mind though, she thought of Chandler again. She didn't want to but she couldn't get him out of her head. She wanted so badly to fix him, to show Rachel that maybe he wasn't that bad.


End file.
